Bryan’s Journal of Miracles As told by his mom … March 17, 1980 - January 9, 2004

List of those mentioned in the journal:

Mike - Bryan’s Father
Kathy - Bryan's Mom (me)
Amberly - Bryan’s Sister
Cris - Bryan’s Brother
"My Mom" - Bryan’s Grandma Mary
"My Dad" - Bryan’s Grandpa Ray
Sherry - Bryan’s aunt (my sister) who is clairvoyant
Darlene - Bryan’s aunt (my sister)
Debbie - Bryan’s aunt (my sister)
Lori - Bryan’s aunt (my sister)
Sherry S. - Bryan’s aunt (Mike’s sister)
Bev - Bryan’s aunt (Mike’s sister)
Barb - Bryan’s aunt (Mike’s sister)
Kelly - Bryan’s cousin (Darlene’s daughter, my niece)
Joe - Bryan’s cousin (Sherry S’s son who passed away a few years ago)
Jacob - Bryan's cousin (Lori's son)
Mike R. - Sherry’s husband (Bryan’s uncle through marriage)
Connie - my sister who died at birth
Bob & Ruth - Bryan’s Grandma and Grandpa (Mike’s parents, deceased)
Grandma & Grandpa LaGambo - Bryan’s Great-Grandma & Great-Grandpa (Kathy’s grandparents, deceased)
Brooke - Bryan’s high school girlfriend and his first true love
Paul Becker - Lori’s friend from childhood who had been an addict all his life and died in his 40’s
Josh D. - Bryan’s childhood friend
Carol - Bryan’s friend from high school
Marge - my friend
Citte - my friend from California who met Bryan last summer
Chad - Bryan’s childhood friend
Ruthie - Our neighbor and long-time friend
Jessica - Bryan's Friend
Ric - Bryan's Friend
Jason (Jay) - Bryan's Friend
Ed - My business partner and long-time friend

Sunday, January 1, 2005

This morning, Mike went for his usual morning walk. He said that the entire time, he was asking Bryan to let him find a coin so he would know that Bryan was with him today, this first day of the new year. As he walked, he continually looked for a coin, all to no avail. However, when he got back to his car to head home, there on the ground right outside his door was a penny! He was so happy to come home and show it to me ... Bryan had answered him after all!

Friday, January 7

This has been such a busy week that I haven't had a chance to update the little things that have happened off and on. So I'll just touch on some of the things that stand out in my mind:

Ruthie had been making soup and was cutting a potato for the ingredients. She said she had been thinking about Bryan all morning and when she cut one of the potatoes in half, the inside of it had a hollowed out section shaped exactly like a butterfly! She even took it to her husband to show it to him and he agreed that it was a perfectly shaped butterfly. She says she felt it was Bryan's way of telling her Merry Christmas. This happened right around Christmas Day.

Bryan turned off the bathroom light on me again one morning right after I had told Mike a story about a sign Amberly had gotten from Bryan. The light went off for about 30 seconds and then came back on. I felt he was validating the story I had just told Mike about Amberly.

One evening I was doing word puzzles in one of my puzzle books. Two puzzles in a row both had the word "butterfly" in them. I do puzzles all the time and I can't remember ever having that word turn up in a puzzle let alone TWO in a ROW in the same book! Awesome!

Amberly was having a strong day of signs from Bryan a few days ago. She said on the way to work, her radio kept changing stations all by itself. She would put it where she wanted it and it would change. At work, someone noticed Bryan's picture on her desk and asked who he was. She then explained about her brother for a while and the other person was very sympathetic. Unfortunately, she had just come back from a late lunch break and had forgotten to clock back in due to the interruption. So she went to log in and the time stamp came up BIG AS LIFE: 3:17! Funny how his birthday just keeps popping up in our lives. Then on her way home, when she was telling me about this, the car in front of her had 1 and 17 in the license plate (1 for January and 17 for his birthday). It will be one year in a few days since we lost him and we just feel he's been around us a lot this week.

Saturday, January 8

Late tonight I received an email order for our store. The sender's email address caught my attention immediately: it was "irishbb"! I definitely took it as a sign from Bryan! (for anyone who doesn't know about Bryan, he was born on St. Patrick's Day and was very Irish. And, of course, the "bb" is his initials)

Tonight Amberly had gone to a friend's house to watch a movie. At the end of the movie, a song began playing by Cold Play. It was a song that Amberly related strongly to Bryan, particularly right after his passing, and hearing it played at the end of the movie had her crying. She said she never plays that CD any more because it makes her too sad but felt that the song playing at the end of the movie was a sign from Bryan that he was with her. His one friend who was there even made the comment that he had been thinking of Bryan all evening and was wishing he could have been there with them. I guess this was his way of letting them know that he was.

Sunday, January 9

One year today. I can hardly believe it ... it seems like only yesterday. But Bryan gave me the most miraculous gift! Very early this morning, while I was asleep, I had a visit from him. In my "dream", I was late for church and was trying to find something in my bedroom. I was kneeling down looking for something when I heard Bryan say "Hi Mom." I looked up and he was standing right beside me! I yelled out, "Bryan! You're HERE!" I jumped up and threw my arms around him, hugging him tightly. I could feel him hugging me back and I told him to hug me harder, almost like I couldn't believe he was there. He did. I then leaned back slightly to look at him. His hair was longer and lighter than it had been when he was alive ... almost like it was when he was younger ... but he looked so handsome and so serene. I said something to him like, "You look beautiful!" I touched his face and I told him over and over how much we love him. He never really said anything back, he just kept smiling that sweet smile. In the dream, my sister, Sherry, was in the room as well (dreams never make much sense!) and I was wondering why she didn't hear us or see him. But she kept doing what she was doing. It's like Bryan was only there for me. I hugged him harder and then suddenly I woke up. As I lay in bed trying to remember every detail of the dream, I couldn't believe what had just happened. About half an hour or so later, I looked at the clock and it was 6:38 a.m. And the clock on the phone next to my bed was flashing (remember ... I never bother setting this clock ... this is the phone that the alarm went off on several months back at the time that he had died). Anyway, this clock was flashing 10:38 a.m. Half an hour or so earlier would have made it around 10 or a bit after, again the time that we found him that morning. I had asked Bryan to visit me last night before I fell asleep. I ask for this often and haven't had too many visits but last night (this morning) was one of the most poignant I have ever experienced. I am so grateful for it!

After church this morning, Mike and I went to breakfast. On the way, we saw two fat hawks sitting in a tree along the road. And when we came out of the restaurant, there was a hawk sitting on a church steeple directly across the street from the restaurant staring at the restaurant. This is the second time we have eaten there and seen the hawk on the church as we left. I pass this church to and from work every day and have only seen a hawk on the steeple one time other than the breakfasts we have had there.

This afternoon, Sherry told me that Mike was playing online poker this morning and won on the king of hearts! It happened about an hour after the visit I had and Mike felt strongly that Bryan had a "hand" in it. If you recall, Mike tucked a King of Hearts in Bryan's suit at the wake and the card has had significance in poker for not only Mike but for some of Bryan's friends as well.

Later this evening, Sherry was telling me about a "conversation" she had with Bryan last night. She had been thinking about him and wondering what heaven was like. She heard him telling her that it is the "opposite" of our life here. He went on the explain that we are living in a world where we are on the inside looking out. He is in a world on the outside looking in ... the opposite of where we are. I was having a little trouble grasping it but I think I understood the gyst of it. He had used a blue graphic on a water bottle to illustrate the concept to her and she says that within a few minutes, that same color blue showed up in five other places in her house. Just a little extra validation from Bryan!

Tonight we stopped by Bryan's grave to pay our respects to him. Sherry and Mike had placed balloons there last night for us to see when we went to church this morning. We had been to church but we also wanted to stop by again tonight to try to get the balloons and take them home with us. When we went into the courtyard, however, the balloons looked so beautiful in the light that we decided to leave them. I took a picture of them with my cell phone and the picture came out looking like a huge angel was hovering above Bryan's grave. It is one of the most beautiful pictures I've ever seen:

Click for Enlarged Image

Isn't it just gorgeous?? We thought so ...

Monday, January 10

This afternoon at the shop, I was talking to Marge and describing the visit I had from Bryan yesterday morning. I was beginning to get teary-eyed and emotional describing how it felt when our front door chime started going off ... not just once or twice, but over and over again. We could see the front door and no one was there. Then it began chiming in a weird way ... totally out of sequence ... instead of a "ding dong", it was doing more like a "ding ding di di dong di dong di di" in little half notes. It sounded like some kind of strange song! We started to laugh and I said out loud to Bryan to cut it out and it stopped immediately. When I began to talk again, the chiming began again. I think I told him to stop three times and he would stop each time and wouldn't start up again for a few seconds or when I would start to talk. Then he'd start again. I finally walked up front to the door and told him to PLEASE stop. He did. Marge, Ed and I were all there and all witnessed it. When I went back and downloaded my email, there was one that came in right then with the subject "I'm BACK!" Ok, Bryan, I think we all got the message loud and clear today! BTW, the door chime did not ring again all afternoon unless someone actually came in.

Wednesday, January 12

This morning, while I was reading in my morning bath, the book I was reading was describing a fishing trip off the Outer Banks in North Carolina. It made me think of Bryan because he loved fishing and had gone down south and gone out ocean fishing a few times. Knowing how he love dit, it made me sad to think that he can't do this any more. I began talking to him in my mind and telling him I hoped he was able to do a version of it in heaven. As I was thinking it, the light bulb above me began to flicker several times. I guess he was letting me know that he IS able to fish in heaven! It made me very happy to know he was aware of my thoughts but sad at the same time because I miss him so much and I miss the things he'll never be able to share with us again.

This afternoon Mike and I were in the computer room working when the spare phone rang loudly one time only. I picked up the phone and the line was dead. I made the comment to Mike that how on earth could the phone ring when it wasn't even plugged in? Yet when I checked the line, it was plugged in. I hung it up and answered it again and it was still dead. Neither of us could figure out how the phone could have rung if the line was bad or not working. I tried it a couple more times but the phone was totally dead. Later on, I picked it up again just to doublecheck that it was still out and ... you guessed it ... the line was working fine!!

Friday, January 14

This morning I received an email with the subject "Remember the Dream." It immediately made me think of the dream last Sunday when I had a visit from Bryan. I felt that he was using this as a reminder to me ... especially since that's the first thing that crossed my mind when I saw it. I get email messages all the time with subjects that are "timely" or pertinent to something that is going on in my life. Ruthie's husband had heart surgery last week and a few days after, I received an email with the subject "The Divine Cardiologist." The emails are never anything important or from anyone I know, just the subject is the message to me that Bryan is letting me know he is aware of what is happening in my life. I really appreciate these subtle little signs from him that he is around.

Monday, January 17

This evening I was driving home from work and the roads were covered in slush. My windshield was constantly getting splattered and so I kept turning my wipers on. Suddenly, in the middle of a swipe, they stopped right in the middle of th windshield. I turned the dial all the way off and back on and nothing happened. The only way I could get it to move was to turn it on full speed. Then I could get it to go off, but if I would turn it on, it wouldn't come on at all unless it was on full speed. The intermittent settings were totally unresponsive. Since the car is practically brand new, I was annoyed that I would have to take it in for repair. As I was sitting at a red light, I happened to look to my left and there, in the tops of the trees, were three HUGE turkeys! i couldn't believe my eyes! I have never seen turkeys in the tops of trees before but these guys were close enough to the highway that I could see them quite clearly. At that point, I realized that the wipers were probably a trick of Bryan's. They did not work properly the rest of the way home but they HAVE worked every day since and have never given me a second's trouble since. So now I'm convinced it was just Bryan up to his usual pranks.

Thursday, January 20

Poor Bryan! He gets blamed for everything that goes wrong ;-) ....... today Ruthie couldn't get our coffee pot to work. The light kept blinking and she couldn't get it to start brewing. I went in and pushed every button on the thing and couldn't get the light to stop blinking either. I finally had to pull the plug and plug it back in to get it to work. A second later, Ruthie came out and told me that the microwave was broken. She couldn't get it to work at all. After having hit the clear button and putting her time in, the start button wouldn't work. She tried several different combinations to no avail. She said, "I think Bryan's messing with me today!" When I went in, all I did was push the button and it started right up. So I think Ruthie was right ... Bryan was messing with her today!

Sunday, January 23

What an awesome morning we've had today! It's been so cold and yesterday it snowed all day ... it was too cold to go to church this morning, so I said the rosary in Bryan's room. As I did that, I became overwhelmed with missing him and broke down and cried. I told him how much I missed him and wished he were still here. Shortly afterward, as I was reading in my bubble bath, the light in the bathroom flickered once. I glanced up and mentally asked Bryan if it were him ... I told him if it was, he would have to do more than a flicker. I had no sooner gone back to my reading than the light went out completely (one bulb ... the one on the end nearest me ... in a four-bulb fixture). I immediately looked up and began to cry tears of joy as I acknowledged him. I told him I loved him and missed him and that I felt that if I had done something differently, maybe he would still be here. At that point, the bulb came back on, as if in response to my comment. I said several more things to him and each time, he would respond by either turning the bulb off or turning it back on. It was amazing! I thanked him for being there and told him he would need to stay close to me today as I was missing him more than usual. At that point, the light remained on and I went back to my reading. It stayed on the rest of the time. I couldn't wait to get downstairs to tell Mike and Amberly!

Just a short time later, Amberly and I were sitting at the kitchen table eating our breakfast. She was talking about Oreo and then her dog, Winston, who was also passed. I felt Bryan urging me to turn on the chandelier ... I felt he was there with us and wanted a way to show us that he was there. So I got up and turned on the chandelier. No sooner did I do that than the lights in the chandelier began to flicker like crazy! Amber's eyes widened in disbelief ... he WAS there with us! She began talking to him like I had done upstairs and the lights would blink in response to her comments. We even joked that we should learn Morse code because it seemed almost as if he was blinking the lights in code. We even called Mike to look at it! It went on the whole time we were there at the table. I just knew that he was there and wanted to be able to let us know ... I was so happy that he was so vibrant today!

As I was driving to work, I called Sherry and was telling her about all this when a white Impala (Bryan's last car) pulled right in front of me. It then stopped to turn left .... as I was sitting there waiting for it to turn, I noticed the license plate. The letters were EZE and it ended in 901. 901 is the reverse of the date Bryan died -- 1/09 -- and EZE could be interpreted a couple different ways. I interpreted it as it's easy for Bryan to get these signs to me. Amberly immediately related it to the song -- Easy Like Sunday Morning -- that Bryan had given me a while ago and it IS Sunday morning. Coincidence??? Not on your life! I wonder what else the day will bring .... today the Steelers are playing a play-off game and Bryan was a big football fan. I think he's letting us know he's excited also.

Tuesday, January 25

This afternoon, Sherry and I were out house-hunting for her. As we were driving along, a white Impala passed us up. It wasn't the same one as the other day because the license plate didn't start with EZE, but it ended in 901 again. Pretty crazy! Then a day later, Mike and I were out driving when an Impala came in front of us with the license plate ending in 3071 ... backwards, that's 1703 ... March 17th.

Thursday, January 27

Wow! Mike had his first actual "visit" from Bryan ... and it shocked him so much that he woke up immediately. He says he was dreaming and isn't sure where he was exactly, but suddenly Bryan appeared around the corner with a smile on his face. He says he was so shocked that he woke up right away but with the awestruck feeling that he had actually just seen Bryan! He said that in the dream, he knew Bryan wasn't still alive, and that's why he was so shocked to see him. I told him to ask Bryan to help him to stay a little longer next time ... maybe they can get a chance to talk or at least hug. I know the feeling because earlier this month when I had my visit, I was so shocked that I couldn't sustain it for very long. But at least I was able to get the hug in and say a few words to him. I'm just so happy that Mike finally got his visit ... he's waited a long time for it!

Monday, January 31

Amberly called me from work today ... she was looking at a website that showed two Papillon puppies named "Beans" and "Whitney" (Whitney is a very close friend of Bryan's). She couldn't believe it and felt that it was a sign from Bryan. What convinced me she was right was that the second I hung up the call, it rang again in my hand ... only one time ... and there was no one on the line! When I scrolled through the incoming calls, there was only the call from Amber. A little hello from Bryan? I think so ... letting me know she was right.

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Note:  If you have a story or experience with Bryan, please email it to me and I will add it to his journal.  These incidents have given our family great peace and joy in knowing that Bryan is still with us, if only in spirit, and will live forever in our hearts.

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