Bryan’s Journal of Miracles As told by his mom … March 17, 1980 - January 9, 2004

Mike - Bryan’s Father
Kathy - Bryan's Mom (me)
Amberly - Bryan’s Sister
Cris - Bryan’s Brother
"My Mom" - Bryan’s Grandma Mary
"My Dad" - Bryan’s Grandpa Ray
Sherry - Bryan’s aunt (my sister) who is clairvoyant
Darlene - Bryan’s aunt (my sister)
Debbie - Bryan’s aunt (my sister)
Lori - Bryan’s aunt (my sister)
Sherry S. - Bryan’s aunt (Mike’s sister)
Bev - Bryan’s aunt (Mike’s sister)
Barb - Bryan’s aunt (Mike’s sister)
Kelly - Bryan’s cousin (Darlene’s daughter, my niece)
Joe - Bryan’s cousin (Sherry S’s son who passed away a few years ago)
Jacob - Bryan's cousin (Lori's son)
Mike R. - Sherry’s husband (Bryan’s uncle through marriage)
Connie - my sister who died at birth
Bob & Ruth - Bryan’s Grandma and Grandpa (Mike’s parents, deceased)
Grandma & Grandpa LaGambo - Bryan’s Great-Grandma & Great-Grandpa (Kathy’s grandparents, deceased)
Brooke - Bryan’s high school girlfriend and his first true love
Paul Becker - Lori’s friend from childhood who had been an addict all his life and died in his 40’s
Josh D. - Bryan’s childhood friend
Carol - Bryan’s friend from high school
Marge - my friend
Citte - my friend from California who met Bryan last summer
Chad - Bryan’s childhood friend
Ruthie - Our neighbor and long-time friend
Jessica - Bryan's Friend
Ric - Bryan's Friend
Jason (Jay) - Bryan's Friend
Ed - My business partner and long-time friend

Friday, July 2

This morning when I got up, I needed to do a repair on an item that we sold that needed to be shipped out today. Normally in the morning, I work on the computer until I leave for work, but today I needed to do this repair so I decided to watch something on TV while I worked. Now bear in mind that I NEVER watch TV in the morning, so I turned it on and went to Good Morning America. Just as I tuned in, they announced that my favorite singer, Clay Aiken, was coming up next. I couldn't believe it! I used to be such a huge Clay fan and Bryan used to always jazz me about it but he finally admitted to me once that he "wasn't too bad" and even was willing to go to a concert with me. When I lost Bryan, I also totally lost interest in following Clay's career. I felt like Bryan tuned me in to this show to remind me of how much I had liked Clay and wanted me to enjoy this moment. What was even more amazing was the song Clay sang: "I Will Carry You" ... one of the songs Bryan "gave" me months ago as the words were so poignant. When Mike came in during the performance, I told him what had happened and how ironic it was that of all the months I go without turning on that TV in the morning and then today Clay is on singing a song that had meaning for me and Bryan ... it was just too much to be coincidence. And if I thought for one second that it was, he validated it for me later. When I got in my car to go to work, the song that came on when I started the engine was "I Will Carry You" by Clay Aiken! I knew right then that it was a sign from him.

Today was also Amberly's birthday. On my way to work, I stopped at a card shop to buy her a birthday card. I felt Bryan was pushing me toward the Sister cards, so I looked at a few of them. One just totally jumped out at me and the words were so perfect that I knew he wanted me to buy it for her, so I did. Then I went to look at the books to get some puzzle books for myself to take on our vacation. I was amazed when, in the middle of the aisle, there was a bin with sale-priced books and the one right on top was a book called "Soulmate" by Deepak Chopra. It was the only one in the bin and Amberly always said Bryan was her soulmate. Even Carole Obley told her that at the reading we had last Saturday night! As I stared at the book, I knew without a doubt that Bryan wanted me to give it to her from him. He didn't have to ask me twice! She got the book and the card and was totally awed by both ... they couldn't have been more perfect gifts!

This evening, Mike and I took Amberly out for dinner for her birthday. When we got to the restaurant and I went to pull out my chair, there was a bright shiny penny on the floor between my chair and Amberly's. I picked it up and showed it to Amber ... I guess Bryan wanted to let us know he was with us for her birthday!

Monday, July 5

Today we had a family outing at Sandcastle Water Park ... Grandpa Ray, Sherry & Mike, Darlene, Megan, Kelly, Lori, Jacob, Jade, Travis, Mike, Amberly and I all went together for a day of fun in the sun. Cris was away at school, so he couldn't be there unfortunately. It was a day Bryan would have enjoyed and we all talked about him often during the day. He gave us many signs that he was with us, though, starting with a lady in line next to us with a blue butterfly tattoo on her leg. We saw many blue butterfly tattoos and objects throughout the day. On one ride, a lady in front of us had a shamrock tattoo on her back (another sign of Bryan's since he was a St. Paddy's Day baby and we always associate shamrocks with him). But the most obvious sign was a hawk that circled above us all day long wherever we were ... and at one point there were two hawks. It seemed like whenever we would look up, the hawk would be there. It was a really neat feeling and made us all feel his presence with us.

During the day, Darlene related a story to me that happened to her recently. She said she was sweeping and found a penny on the floor so she bent to pick it up. She thought briefly of Bryan but wasn't sure it was him since it was just a penny. When she came back after putting the penny up, there were TWO MORE PENNIES on the floor in the same spot where she had just picked up the one! She says she knows there were no other pennies there and she felt it was Bryan's way of confirming to her that she was right, the first penny was from him ;-) As he so often does, if you don't get the message the first time, he will keep at it until you are sure it's him!

Tuesday, July 6

I awoke in the wee hours of the morning during the night and looked at the clock to see the time. When I awake at night like this, it's usually because the time will have some significance. Bryan loves to use numbers as a method of communicating. The time was 2:42. I immediately realized that 24 and 2 were Cris and Amberly's birthdays this month. I felt it was just Bryan's way of letting me know that he's aware that his brother and sister have a birthday this month and wants me to let them know he's thinking of them.

Wednesday, July 7

Today was an awesome day! Bryan gave me so many signs that he was around us ... it was really pretty special. It started this morning when I awoke with the words from "If You Leave Me Now" by Chicago. I downloaded he lyrics and like most of the songs he gives me, not all of the words have meaning, but a line or two will really stand out. This one was no exception. But that was just the beginning ...

Mike and I went to have our blood work taken this morning. While we were sitting in the waiting room, I overheard the name "Bryan" repeatedly in a conversation across the room. Shortly after that, the same woman said the name "Mike" and then something about a "bean pot". When I heard the name Mike, that made me think Bryan was sending me a signal. But when I heard her talking about the bean pot, that clinched it! It just brought a smile to my face as I remembered many John Edward stories about just this type of thing. But that wasn't the end of the messages today ...

After we left the lab, Mike and I met my mom for breakfast at King's. Breakfast was pleasant but uneventful. As we were leaving, I watched as Mom's car left the parking lot. Just as she pulled out, a huge hawk swooped down across the parking lot, over her car, and up into a tree across the road. It sat there until we left.

Later this afternoon, I was out on my deck filling the bird feeders when I happened to look up. There was a hawk hovering over our deck just above the tree line! I have never seen a hawk this close to our deck and I have to admit it frightened me for a second as I realized it could easily grab our cat or Amberly's little dog, Nessa. Luckily they were inside. The hawk circled over the house once after he hovered for about 5 seconds and then left. It was amazing! I felt he was looking right at me!

When I went into the family room this evening, I noticed two lifesavers in wrappers on the windowsill right next to the sofa. I had never seen these before and we don't have anything like them in the house. I asked Mike if he had put them there and he said he hadn't. When Amberly got home, I pointed them out to her and asked if they were hers. She just laughed and said she had NO idea where they came from. Lastly, I asked Lori because she cleaned here yesterday and I knew she would have seen them if they had been there. She told me she dusted the windowsill and nothing was there! Since no one else has been in or out of the house, I can only conclude that Bryan has left us a few little treats. He used to love lifesavers and there is just no other explanation for how they got there or where they came from but him.

I was sitting out on the porch this evening when a beautiful orange butterfly with black spots landed on the rug right at my feet. I watched as his wings gently moved up and down. He was there for several minutes and I didn't have my cell phone with me, so I couldn't get his picture. Mike suddenly came out before I could warn him and the butterfly flew off. I went in and got my phone just in case and came back outside but the butterfly was nowhere to be seen. I sat back on the swing and just seconds later, back came the butterfly and landed in the exact same spot! I grabbed my cell phone and took a video of him. (Click here to see it.) He stayed there long enough for me to take the video and a few pictures of him with his wings up but I couldn't get close enough to show his beautiful colors.

Later this evening, when I went down to Amberly's room to chat with her, I found a penny lying right next to her bed. I added it to the coin collection that we have growing in Bryan's room ... all in all, it's been a pretty incredible day!

Thursday, July 8

Today as I was driving to work, I was talking to Sherry and she started telling me about an amazing experience she had a few days ago. She and Mike were walking the dogs when a butterfly -- orange with black spots -- flew up to her. It flew back and forth between her and a tree three times and then landed ON her. Both she and Mike had a strong feeling of Bryan's presence. After a few moments, it fluttered away and met with another butterfly. The two of them danced around each other for a few seconds before flying off. She said she had never had anything like that happen to her before. At this point, I told her about MY orange butterfly that had shown up last night. She hadn't known anything about this nor did I know about her experience before she told me. When we described the butterflies, they were the exact same type. We both felt this was Bryan's way of confirming to us that it really WAS him!

Friday, July 9

Today marks 6 months since Bryan's passing. Although we didn't have any signs as dramatic as last month, he did come through for us in a few remarkable ways. First, the spare phone in the computer room rang this afternoon and Mike answered it. There was no one on the other end and even after he repeatedly said hello, there was no response. He strongly felt Bryan's presence. This is a phone that never rings because no one knows the number. Bryan has used it before to get messages to us so we believe this was a sign from him.

On my way home from work, I noticed a large hawk perched in a tree alongside the roadway just staring at my vehicle as I passed. This was my first sign from Bryan today. About 10 minutes later, I was sitting at a red light and noticed a hawk perched atop an electrical tower off on the horizon. As I watched, the hawk lifted off and circled over the treetops far away from the road. I began to feel Bryan's presence and I just knew the hawk would begin to fly toward me. And just as I thought it, the hawk veered off its circular path and began flying toward the highway. He was moving in a path that would have taken him behind my car but it was as if Bryan magically reached down and turned him toward me. Within seconds, he was flying directly over my sun roof and as the light turned green, he followed my car up to highway in the direction I was going! I just began to laugh and cry at the same time and thanked Bryan for this very obvious sign that he was with me. Sometimes I wonder what these hawks must think .... they probably can't figure out why they're doing what they're doing! LOL

Saturday, July 10

Our little raccoon friend paid us a visit tonight. He was also here Thursday night but I forgot to mention it. In 25 years, we have never had raccoons on our deck until this year. Amazing!

Sunday, July 11

A couple of kind of crazy things happened today that I debated adding to the journal but then remembered John Edward saying to write down everything, so I decided to do it. This morning, Mike was looking for his travel hair dryer which had gone missing several months ago. I joked with him before about Bryan hiding it as several of the books I have read state that spirits like to hide things from us as a way of letting us know they are still around and still like to "mess with us." I told him to ask Bryan to help him find it. Well, he did and lo and behold, he found it! He really thinks Bryan lead him to it as it was in a place he had not thought to look before. Who's to say? I know he's helped me find misplaced things, so maybe there's more to this than we know.

This evening I was sitting on the porch when a very loud bird landed in the tree right above my head. He created such a ruckus and it was really beginning to annoy me as it would not stop. More than once I thought of Bryan and wondered if he was sending me a sign. There is a reason for my thinking this ... we have three cockatiels that Bryan loved EXCEPT when they would get noisy. Sometimes they just start whistling a tune over and over and they can drive you nuts. Bryan used to give me a hard time about them when they were so noisy even though he loved them. So I couldn't help thinking about that while this bird outside continued to chirp the same thing over and over and over and over. Then I remembered reading that if you think a spirit is doing something that you don't like, just ask them to stop and they will. So I said out loud, "Bryan, PLEASE make that bird shut up!" Mike just started laughing at me but the bird shut up IMMEDIATELY! I help my breath and was afraid to say anything but after about 5 minutes, I said to Mike, "I can't believe it! He actually did it!" Mike started to laugh and told me not to count my chickens. But I could have ... the bird never made another sound. So I guess it was Bryan's way of getting back at me for my noisy cockatiels! It was like a private joke between him and me but one I totally understood. It was an awesome moment!

Monday, July 12

A very interesting thing happened to me today. On my way to work every day, I pass the church where Bryan's ashes are interred, and I always say a quick prayer for him. As I drove by this morning, I noticed something large on the very top of the steeple on the right arm of the cross. My first thought was that it was a hawk but I was in traffic and couldn't get a good look. I figured it must be some new antenna or reception device that they mounted up there since I have never before seen a hawk on the steeple or anywhere near the church for that matter. But for months I have expected to see one there simply because the hawk has become such a strong symbol for Bryan and that is, after all, where he is buried. On my way home tonight ... 7 hours later ... as I rounded the corner by the church, I looked up at the steeple and I could see the dark blob still there. I figured that, for sure, it must be an antenna device. But as I got closer, I could see the blob take the shape of a hawk. In disbelief, I turned into the church parking lot and drove around to the back side where I could see clearly the white belly of the hawk that was indeed perched on the right arm of the cross on the top of the steeple! I knew then that it had been a hawk this morning and that Bryan made sure I knew it by having it there again tonight as I went by. As I watched, the hawk ruffled his feathers and turned his head this way and that almost as if he was looking at me looking at him. I tried to get pictures with my cell phone camera, but EVERY ONE turned out blurry! I have had so many problems trying to get pictures of the hawks he sends me that I am beginning to think they are spirit hawks and simply will not show up in photos. The sun was out and the picture should have been clear as a bell but all three look misty and blurry. VERY weird! But it doesn't matter to me ... I will remember it for the rest of my life, picture or not. It was a powerful sign!

Also on my way home from work, a car pulled up alongside me and there was a necklace hanging from his rearview mirror filled with bright green plastic shamrocks!

Later this evening, Mike and I went for a walk. Just a few houses up from ours, I noticed a butterfly on the ground right in my path. I stooped to see if it was alive and it was dead but perfectly preserved. It was a beautiful butterfly so I brought it home to add to Bryan's butterfly collection. I was able to scan it to share here ... it is one of the prettiest butterflies I have seen and I thanked Bryan for sending it to me:

Tuesday, July 13

This afternoon, I had to run to the bank so I took a chance and drove by the church. To my total amazement, the hawk was again perched on the same side of the cross on the steeple, facing the same direction. Part of me wanted to try to get another picture, but I figured it would only be a repeat of yesterday's attempts, so I didn't. I cannot think of any logical explanation for the hawk still being on the church steeple other than Bryan wanting me to see him there.

Also, there was a very strange butterfly on our porch this morning. I have added the pics to the butterfly album but here is a picture you can click on to see him close-up:

While Lori was here cleaning this afternoon, she went out to her car and on the way back in, a gorgeous swallowtail butterfly began flying around her. She called me out to see it and I grabbed my cell phone on the way. This was the exact same type of butterfly that Mike and I found last night on our walk only bigger. I was able to capture several videos and a picture of it before it flew away:

When Mike came home from golfing later this afternoon, he drove by the church and noticed that the hawk I had seen yesterday and this morning was still there on the church steeple!

This evening, Mike went for a walk and found another butterfly along the side of the road. This one was beautiful with blue edges and a deep blue center. He carried it home to me and we have added it to Bryan's butterfly collection.

Thursday, July 15

A very odd thing happened to me during the night last night. At about 1:15 a.m., I was awakened by the sound of our cat pawing at our mirrored bifold doors in our bedroom. Sometimes our cat, Moses, will do that if he wants to get into the closet. It persisted long enough for me to sit up to see what he was trying to do but the cat wasn't there. Then I realized that he must be trapped inside the closet and was trying to get out. So I got out of bed and went over to open the closet door. Except that he wasn't in there! I then opened the other side but he wasn't there either. I called him a few times but he was not in our room at all. As I stood there totally bewildered, I got a sense of Bryan's presence. I thought for a minute that I might actually see him, but I didn't.

While I was working at the computer this morning (actually a few minutes ago as I was uploading the butterfly pictures above to add to this page), I heard someone whistle in our house. It was just four little notes but I am alone in the house and no one was in here whistling! It sounded like it came from Bryan's room which is right next to where I am sitting. I just smiled and said hi to Bryan ...

Ruthie was at the shop today and told me of an amazing sign she got from Bryan on Tuesday night. As she drove past our house on the way to the church (where Bryan is buried) for an aerobics class, she stopped by as Mike and I were both outside. When she told us where she was going, we told her about the hawk on the steeple and told her to look for it. She told me today that when she first arrived at the church, the hawk was not there. She drove around the church looking for it but didn't see it anywhere. Then she thought that maybe it was down in the columbarium (courtyard where the burial niches are) and she planned to go down to see. Out loud, she asked Bryan where the hawk was. To her total surprise, a hawk suddenly swooped down right across her windshield and then flew up to the steeple and landed! She said she got chills and goosebumps all over. She couldn't believe that the hawk showed up right when she made that comment to Bryan. I wasn't surprised, though ... he truly does hear us and never lets me down.

Tonight Mike and I went out to dinner after work and didn't get home till about 7:30. As I drove past the church, I saw the hawk on the steeple as soon as I rounded the bend. But to my amazement, as I got closer, I realized there was not ONE hawk on the steeple but TWO! One was on each side of the cross at the top. I pulled into the church parking lot and called Mike immediately on my cell as he was driving a bit behind me and I wanted to tell him. Well, I needn't have worried. His first words were, "Honey, I see the hawk!" I realized that he was still far enough away and didn't know there were two there. He ended up pulling into the parking lot as well and we both took pics with our cell phones. When we got home and looked at them, we were both disappointed with the lack of clarity. So I decided to grab my digital camera and go back to get better shots. I just knew Bryan would keep them there. Sure enough, both hawks were still sleeping atop the steeple. I took many pictures from both sides and one that shows the church steeple in relation to the courtyard where Bryan is buried. I can hardly believe it ... for 6 months, there has not been a hawk anywhere near that church and now they are showing up on the steeple cross almost every day. I just know it has to have something to do with Bryan. Hawks are a powerful symbol for him and a sign he is able to give us with apparent ease. It is truly a blessing for us!

(Click image for many more pictures)

Sunday, July 18

Almost every day since I found the life saver candies on the windowsill in the family room, I have received an email with the subject "life saver" ... no message of any significance, just the subject with the words life saver. I always feel these are for confirmation and that Bryan somehow pulls them out of cyberspace and dumps them in my inbox. I have about 20 of them!

Also, the hawks have been on the church steeple every single day. I usually see them on my way to or from work and Mike sees them on his walk. When we visited Bryan's grave this morning in the courtyard next to the church, you could look straight up from his niche and see the hawks on the steeple. They have a birdseye view of where Bryan is buried. One of Bryan's classmates is also buried in the columbarium across the courtyard from Bryan. We believe Bryan has brought up this friend in several of the readings we have had and I wondered if the second hawk is symbolic of this friend. I believe it is!

Monday, July 19

Today I stopped at Marge's house with Sandy for a short visit to see if the two dogs would get along so she could doggysit Sandy when we go on vacation. When we went to go inside, there was a penny laying right in front of the door. I asked her if she or her kids had dropped it and they all said no. So I picked it up and we went inside. A few minutes later, we came back out and there was ANOTHER penny laying only a few inches from where I had picked up the other one. I just chuckled and told them Bryan must be there with us. He has given Marge many signs ... when they go camping, they almost always have really unique experiences with butterflies or hawks and she always feels his presence. So I have no doubt the pennies were a little Hello from him.

Friday, July 23

Tonight there were FIVE raccoons on our deck! I think Bryan sent them in honor of Cristopher's birthday tomorrow. They were so cute!

Saturday, July 24

Today is Cristopher's 23rd birthday. Amberly, Mike, Grandma Mary and I were all driving up to Penn State to spend the day with him. On the way, we saw dozens of hawks and felt strongly that Bryan was with us. We stopped at a service plaza on the turnpike and Amberly and I went inside the gift shop to check out the little stuffed animals we collect. We only had about five minutes to spend but in that time, Amberly was drawn to a set of Pittsburgh Steeler shot glasses and told me "you have to get these for Cris!" Without even questioning it, I bought them and we took them along to give Cris as part of his birthday present. To our amazement, when Cris opened them, he exclaimed, "How did you know I wanted these? Just last night, I was at my friend's house and he had a set of these. I asked him where he got them because I wanted them!!" He looked to his girlfriend for confirmation and she agreed that they were exactly the same ones his friend had that Cris had liked. I just looked at him and said that Bryan must have heard him and lead us to the glasses on our way there today. They were his birthday gift from Bryan! Later in the afternoon, he took us by his friend's house (where he'll be moving in next month) and there were the shot glasses on his bar. The EXACT same set! Also, during the course of the day, we found four coins ... two pennies, a nickel, and a quarter found by Grandma in the parking lot outside Cris' apartment. Just more signs that Bryan was with us all day. Of course, I never had any doubt he would miss his brother's birthday ... I just had no idea how he would let his presence be known. As usual, he found a way that we could not question. Amber said when she saw the shot glasses, something just told her she had to get them for Cris ... Bryan is very good at using Amberly as his messenger. ;-)

Tuesday, July 27

Today I was telling Lori, Amberly and Mike that Bryan seems to have slowed down on the signs he gives us. I mean, I still see all the hawks (they are on the church cross all the time now!) and the butterflies on the porch every morning, but the more unusual signs seem to have tapered off a little. Well, I guess Bryan heard me because an hour later, Mike and I got in his car to go shopping and I wanted to play a Rod Stewart cd. When I went to put it in, there was already a cd in the player ... and when I ejected it, it was a cd Bryan had made of Metallica in his hand writing. Mike was astounded ... there is NO WAY he would have put that cd in there. One, he is not a Metallica fan and two, he didn't even know that cd was in his car! He was totally dumbfounded as to how and when it got there. Naturally, there is only one explanation. Bryan put it there to let me know he heard me and was giving me a sign!

When we returned home, Amberly said that Sandy was barking upstairs and when she went up, she heard footsteps and loud sounds as if someone were bumping into things. No one else was in the house and she felt strongly that Sandy sensed Bryan's presence.

Saturday, July 31

Today in the store, I was writing up a receipt and when I wrote the date, I made a comment that tomorrow was August 1 and that I was really excited (because our vacation is coming up). The gentleman I was writing a receipt for remarked that it must be vacation or something and I replied, "Yes, our vacation is coming and I have been waiting for three months for August to get here!" Just as I said the word "vacation", the lights over the counter flickered on and off. Marge was standing right next to me and a few seconds later, I whispered to her, "Did you notice the lights?" And she replied, "Yes, right when you said vacation, the lights flickered. Bryan is so letting you know he'll be with you!" I was tickled that she noticed it, too. Marge is very attuned to Bryan as her family goes camping a lot and Bryan used to love camping. Every time they go, they always notice signs from Bryan.

This evening Sherry called me to tell me that Bryan had given her a very strong sign today. When she and Mike returned from their evening walk, a black and blue butterfly followed them around their garage. It was there for a long time and at one point, it climbed up onto Mike's finger. It was there long enough for Mike to get his digital camera and capture the following picture to send to me:

Click image for enlarged pic

Sherry told me later that she had asked Bryan for a validation that the butterfly was truly a sign from him. Later this evening, they were watching a movie, and afterward Sherry sent me this email:

"Later this evening, Mike put on a movie that we rented earlier in the day.  He didn't know anything about the movie but just grabbed it based on the title.  It was "Cheaper by the Dozen" with Bonnie Hunt and Steve Martin.  In it was a frog named, of all things, "Beans."  (note: the frog dies in the movie) At the end of the movie, they have a tribute to Beans and thank Beans for bringing the family together. It's so sweet!  Amazing! "

Quick Jump Links:

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October

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December

Note:  If you have a story or experience with Bryan, please email it to me and I will add it to his journal.  These incidents have given our family great peace and joy in knowing that Bryan is still with us, if only in spirit, and will live forever in our hearts.

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