Bryan’s Journal of Miracles As told by his mom … March 17, 1980 - January 9, 2004

List of those mentioned in the journal:

Mike - Bryan’s Father
Kathy - Bryan's Mom (me)
Amberly - Bryan’s Sister
Cris - Bryan’s Brother
"My Mom" - Bryan’s Grandma Mary
"My Dad" - Bryan’s Grandpa Ray
Sherry - Bryan’s aunt (my sister) who is clairvoyant
Darlene - Bryan’s aunt (my sister)
Debbie - Bryan’s aunt (my sister)
Lori - Bryan’s aunt (my sister)
Sherry S. - Bryan’s aunt (Mike’s sister)
Bev - Bryan’s aunt (Mike’s sister)
Barb - Bryan’s aunt (Mike’s sister)
Kelly - Bryan’s cousin (Darlene’s daughter, my niece)
Joe - Bryan’s cousin (Sherry S’s son who passed away a few years ago)
Jacob - Bryan's cousin (Lori's son)
Mike R. - Sherry’s husband (Bryan’s uncle through marriage)
Connie - my sister who died at birth
Bob & Ruth - Bryan’s Grandma and Grandpa (Mike’s parents, deceased)
Grandma & Grandpa LaGambo - Bryan’s Great-Grandma & Great-Grandpa (Kathy’s grandparents, deceased)
Brooke - Bryan’s high school girlfriend and his first true love
Paul Becker - Lori’s friend from childhood who had been an addict all his life and died in his 40’s
Josh D. - Bryan’s childhood friend
Carol - Bryan’s friend from high school
Marge - my friend
Citte - my friend from California who met Bryan last summer
Chad - Bryan’s childhood friend
Ruthie - Our neighbor and long-time friend
Jessica - Bryan's Friend
Ric - Bryan's Friend
Jason (Jay) - Bryan's Friend
Ed - My business partner and long-time friend

Thursday, April 1

Every morning I spend about an hour reading while taking my morning bath. Today I was nearing the end of the book I was currently reading, Jenny Crawford's Spirit of Love, so I decided to select my next book from the stack I have waiting to be read (there are over a dozen). I selected George Anderson's Lessons from the Light. As I finished Jenny's book, the last page had a list of Suggested Further Reading ... and guess which book was the VERY FIRST ONE on the list? Right! George Anderson's Lessons from the Light! I feel Bryan is guiding me in the books that I am reading ... each and every one has helped my healing process and helped me to understand so much more about where he is now.

Later, on my way to work, it was pouring down rain but as I drove, I saw a very fat hawk perched in a tree right by the road. As I drove by, he dipped his head in my direction and watched my car until I could no longer see him. I couldn't believe a hawk would even be out in the rain! Amazing!

Saturday, April 3

For the first two months after Bryan passed, I had a rash on my inner right arm at the elbow. It was driving me crazy and I suspected that this was the spot where Bryan had injected his last heroin dose. But that didn't make sense as he had the needle in his right hand when we found him that morning, so how could he have injected his right arm? However, the rash was so persistent and the itching so annoying that I felt sure that he was trying to tell me that this was the site of the injection. When we received the autopsy report today, it stated that there were fresh needle marks on the inner right arm at the elbow. So even though he was found with the needle in his right hand, he must have switched it. I was shocked to find out that my rash truly did correspond to his arm. This was a major validation for me because previously I felt it was what he was trying to tell me but it didn't make sense with what we knew. Now we know that it was correct!

Monday, April 5

This past weekend, Darlene and her family took a trip to Gettysburg. As they began their trip, they turned on the radio and the first song they heard was the Jenny 867-5309 song that Bryan had made reference to in one of our readings. Immediately following that song, Fallen by Sarah McLachlan came on! Darlene felt strongly that Bryan's presence was with them. On the turnpike and in Gettysburg, she says she kept seeing hawks everywhere ... at least 10 of them in all! She says that in itself is very strange because she never sees hawks. And even though the weather and the roads were terrible, she felt that Bryan was protecting them on their trip. It just made it that much more special to them to feel that he was around.

Today Ruthie came in to the store to work and had to deliver a package to the post office for me. On the way, you have to go past a hardware store. She said that as she was going by that block, something (Bryan!) told her she needed to cross the street and look in the hardware store. She said she literally felt Bryan telling her to go and look in the window. When she did, the display was full of butterflies! They were stained glass butterflies on metal rods to put in your garden or in a flower pot. She could not believe her eyes! And the one that she was drawn to was a blue one. Going inside, she purchased two of them, one for herself and one that she brought back to me as a gift from Bryan. She told me that as many times as she had gone to that post office, she never once went into that hardware store. But today, Bryan guided her there and she knew exactly why the minute she crossed the street to it! It is truly amazing how many ways he finds to get gifts to me ..... thanks Bry!

Wednesday, April 7

On several occasions over the past week, I have noticed the scent of roses or smoke (Bryan was a smoker) at times when there were no roses or smoke near me. And hawks still show up on an almost daily basis ... so much so that I no longer write it on here every time it happens, but I still see hawks whenever I am in the car. And they are always very near the car ... either in a tree right by the roadside or flying directly above me. I always get the feeling that Bryan is just saying hi to me. The roses I have smelled in the car and in the house. Smoke I have smelled in the house and when I am at work.

Saturday, April 10

For several weeks now, we have been finding coins all over the place ... in the house, on the street, in my store ... more than usual. In talking to other family members about it, they mentioned that they've found coins lately as well. In the various books I've been reading, it has been documented that coins are often left by spirits as a "hello" to loved ones here on earth. What really surprised me, though, was receiving an email from a friend in California this morning (Citte, the friend who sent the flowers with the blue butterflies back in January). In her email she asked, "What's up with all the pennies and paperclips???" She claims that she has been finding pennies and/or paperclips lying on her diningroom table in the morning ... at least three times a week ... and her husband swears he didn't put them there! Since no one else is in the house, she has been baffled as to how they are getting there. Of course, I believe it is Bryan as he has started doing that with us. When Cris came home from college this weekend, I asked him if he'd found any coins. He said he did but hadn't connected it to Bryan. But the best thing was that he found a $5 bill on his way to the video store the other day! I got the biggest kick out of that ... he leaves pennies for me but $5 bills for Cris! I guess he figures a college student needs it more than his mom ;-)

On the way home today, I called Citte from my cell phone to talk to her about the coins and Bryan. As she answered the phone, a very large and strange bird flew over my car and then flew alongside the highway in the same direction I was going for about a mile. I have no idea what kind of bird it was ... it was gray and fairly skinny but its wingspan was larger and wider than a hawk's. I have never seen a bird like it around here and I have no idea what it was. Perhaps some kind of duck or heron? I have no idea! Just that it was big and strange! We talked for several minutes, until I arrived home, and as I did, a hawk was circling over my house. I felt Bryan was with us and confirming that yep, it was him doing the pennies and paperclips!

Tonight I was in Bryan's room and I wanted to get something out of his rolltop desk. Oddly, the rolltop was locked and I couldn't get it open. Mind you, this desk has been in his room for 15 or more years. The rolltop has been up and down a zillion times and it has never locked itself. In fact, we don't even have a key for it! I'm hoping that I'll have one in my antique shop that will work. I have no idea why he decided to lock the desk ... maybe just to have a little fun with us ... but locked it is! He always loved to play practical jokes on us and I think he's still doing it.

Sunday, April 11 - EASTER SUNDAY

We all went to Sherry's house for Easter dinner today. On the way there, we saw two hawks. At her house, there was a large blackbird sitting in a tree outside her back yard. He was facing the house and my father said he had noticed him there earlier in the day. We were by the back door where I could see him for at least 45 minutes and he stayed there the entire time. I believe it was a sign from Bryan ... he has begun using blackbirds or large crows to give us signs when hawks aren't around. Either way, I can always tell when it's a sign from him as the birds are always focused on us or my car or wherever I happen to be. It's just the weirdest feeling and I can't explain it ... I see dozens of birds every day but I always can tell which ones are a sign from him as their behavior or where they are is just different. Hard to explain ... guess you have to be there to understand it fully. But you just know ... I feel he wanted us to know that he was with us on this wonderful holiday. We miss him but I know he was experiencing a joyous and spectacular Easter in heaven with our Lord .... I can only imagine how beautiful it must be!

Also, this morning, Bryan gave me the song "Easy Like Sunday Morning," by Lionel Richie I believe. It had been a while since he'd awakened me with a song, so I was especially grateful for this today.

Monday, April 12

We had another reading tonight with medium Kat Tucci. Many wonderful validations came through! I will be working on transcribing this, so check back in a week or so to read it online.

Tuesday, April 13

Cris was telling me that last night he and Chad were messing around playing cards ... they played a hand of poker and Cris was dealt two kings, one of which was the King of Hearts. (I guess in poker this is a very good hand.) The King of Hearts has had numerous incidents of significance to us ... if you've read this far, then you know what I'm referring to. Anyway, after this hand, which Cris won, he was shuffling the cards and cutting the deck and just for the heck of it, decided to look at the bottom card on the deck. It was the King of Hearts! He felt strongly that Bryan was there with him.

This afternoon, we were driving Cris back to Penn State and it was pouring down rain. Even though it was raining all the way there, I counted 8 hawks in trees alongside the highway, two flew directly over our car, at least 6 crows either singly on top of a tree or flying over the car, and a field with a huge wild turkey, wild geese, and a few ducks! I really felt that Bryan was with us making sure we were safe in the terrible weather ... just like he watched over Darlene's family last weekend.

Wednesday, April 14

This morning I awoke with a tune going through my head from Bryan. The chorus "sooooo long ma, sooooo long pa, sooooo long neighbors and friends," kept going through my head. I couldn't remember any more and couldn't figure out which song it was from. It took me a few weeks to track it down, but it's from "Sweet City Woman" by the Stampeders. I have now added it to the Songs page.

Thursday, April 15

On Monday night, Bryan mentioned in our reading with Kat Tucci that he is aware of a ritual thing that we do every week on the same night and that it involves several people and that he is always with us on that night. He was referring to our Thursday night get-togethers with his friends. Ric and Jason have been coming over every Thursday night for dinner and TV and we have done this faithfully for two months now. Today, Bryan made his presence aware for us in several ways. Amberly ran into Kim, the friend of Bryan's who we met on his birthday, in a place where neither of them normally are. Then she saw a quilt that was on display in a building with a huge blue butterfly on it. Mike had a hawk circling over him while he was in the spa this morning. And I found two coins on my way to the car coming home after work. Then on the way home I saw two hawks and several blackbirds. When I arrived home, before I could open the door, the lock on my door popped up all by itself! Bryan was letting us know that yes, he is with us on Thursday nights!

Friday, April 16

Tonight I was really, really missing Bryan. The weather was nice and warm and I couldn't help thinking about him and how much he would be enjoying the fresh spring weather, so naturally I was feeling sad this evening and really feeling his loss. Sometimes just knowing I'll never see him again causes such a deep pain in my heart ... as much as I love all the signs he gives me, they just can't replace him. Before going to bed, I turned off the light in the family room. Right beside the light are the blue butterfly balloons that we have kept since his birthday celebration. They are helium-filled and are still floating although one was drooping. In my sadness, I hugged the butterfly to me and told Bryan how much I love him and miss him. After that, I went up to bed. Just before closing my eyes I noticed, through the French doors of my bedroom that overlook the family room below, that the light by the butterfly balloons was back on! I know I turned it off when I hugged the butterfly balloon, but it was now back on. I know Bryan did that as a sign for me to let me know he was with me and understood my suffering and pain.

Saturday, April 17

This morning as I was driving to work, I called Sherry to ask her if she had any signs from Bryan last night. She told me that she has had several signs from him. The first was while she was vacuuming last night, the lamp in her bedroom began flickering like a strobe light. She assumed it was getting ready to burn out but it kept on flickering. Then it got brighter and brighter until it seemed like a 200 watt bulb. As she was getting ready to leave the room, she was afraid it would catch fire as it was so bright. So she turned off the bulb. Thinking that it would probably burn out when she turned it back on, she flipped the switch to see if it would work. The light came on as normal and was fine. She was amazed and knew it was Bryan! Much later that same night, one of her dogs (Teddy) ran into her living room and yelped as if he was startled by something. He came running back in to her and was cowering behind her but staring back at the living room. She said he was acting like he could see something or someone in that room even though it was dark and no one was there. She said he was acting as if he had "seen a ghost." He wouldn't go back in the room but kept reaching around her trying to see in there again. This morning when she went into the room, she was looking around to see if anything had been moved. There is a beautiful glass display case in that room and she has an entire shelf dedicated as a shrine to Bryan. There is a little gazebo with a blue butterfly on it, Bryan's pictures, a King of Hearts card, and a little pewter teddy bear pendant with Bryan's ashes inside. She had just gone into the case yesterday to arrange things and make sure everything was positioned the way she wanted it. This morning, the gazebo and teddy bear were turned sideways, not facing the front as she had left them. She knew that Bryan had moved them to let her know that he sees what she has done for him. Just as she was relating this to me, as I was driving, I saw a huge blackbird on the top of a tree looking at me and within 100 feet of that, I saw a hawk in a tree and then TWO hawks flew over my car. All of these were within 1/4 mile span. When this happens, we both feel that Bryan is confirming to us that what we are talking about is true, that he WAS there in the room and DID blink the light and that Teddy DID see him!

Sherry's husband, Mike, relayed a few stories to me as well. He said they were in the park the other day and were walking through the woods when a tree branch crashed down nearby. Immediately they both felt that Bryan was letting them know he was there. Just as they thought of that, they looked up and saw two huge turkey buzzards soaring overhead! Also, when they got back to the car, the door locks went up and down on their own like they did on my car the other day. They both smiled and knew Bryan was really with them. Mike also said that Bryan has done this with the door locks another time since then. I think it's really great when he learns how to do something new, he does it for more than one of us so we know it's not our imaginations ;-) Also, as they were telling me this on my way home from work tonight, two hawks were circling over my car. Within two miles, another hawk was perched in a tree branch right over the highway as I drove beneath him! It is really amazing!

NOTE: Entry added for March 16th ... please go back to read!

Thursday, April 22

Today was Darlene's birthday. When she got up this morning, she went into her kitchen and found the blue butterfly magnet from her refrigerator lying on the floor. Bryan had given her this sign early after his passing but hadn't done it for a few months now. Today he did it again as his sign to her acknowledging and wishing her a happy birthday. He followed this up with more amazing signs two days later ... read the 24th for more details ...

Friday, April 23

Today Mike and I embarked on our journey to Washington D.C. to see John Edward (of Crossing Over). Almost immediately, we felt Bryan was with us. We saw so many hawks and crows (blackbirds) that we couldn't count them all! At the first rest stop we came to, I heard Bryan's voice in my head telling me that there was a stuffed monkey in the gift shop that he wanted me to buy for Amberly. If you read Kat Tucci's April 12th reading, you will see that a stuffed monkey came up for Amberly. I usually frequent the gift shops on trips looking for small stuffed animals to add to my own collection, but this was not on my mind when we pulled in. Bryan's voice clearly told me to get the monkey inside. My first thought was that I was probably making it up but decided to wait until I went inside. I figured if there was a monkey prominently displayed, then I would know it was actually a message. If I had to "hunt" for a monkey, then it was not a sign. Imagine my surprise when I went inside and, on the four shelves of stuffed animals, there was a chain of linked monkeys going all the way from the top of the display to the bottom! And as if that wasn't enough, right on top of the cash register was the one I would have picked because he was purple and blue! All the others were pink and yellow but the one I would have chosen was already on the register ready to buy! I was absolutely amazed! Naturally, the purple and blue monkey came home with me and immediately went to Amberly. She was ecstatic that her brother sent her this wonderful gift.

Upon arrival in our hotel room in DC, I went into the bathroom. As I was "sitting" there, the lights in the bathroom went off. I yelled out to Mike and asked him if the room lights were off and he told me no. I got up and went to the light switch ... I was amazed to find it in the DOWN position. Bryan had actually turned the lights off by physically flipping the switch! I started laughing and told Mike that Bryan was definitely making his presence known.

Later, at the seminar with John Edward, I felt Bryan's presence strongly in the room. I felt that he was really getting a kick out of the whole thing as he and I had spent many nights watching Crossing Over together, him being the skeptic of the two of us. Several times John looked in our direction while he was making his opening lecture. After an hour of questions and talk, he began to do readings, probably 10 in total that night. The people receiving messages were realllllly in need of them and although I felt Bryan's presence there so strongly, I knew he would hold back to let those through who needed to hear from their loved ones more than I did. I felt a peace in knowing that and as John talked about how to "get" and recognize signs from those crossed over, we realized that Bryan had given us almost every sign he named and even a few extras. So many people had never received any signs as they didn't understand what to look for, and I felt truly blessed that we have been so aware of Bryan's attempts to reach us. As John said, they WANT to let us know they are around us, especially when we are needing them, but we need to acknowledge what they do. It takes a lot of energy for them to come through for us and if it goes unnoticed, they will give up trying. Thanks to watching John's shows in the past, we knew what to look for from Bryan. Anyway, as the night neared a close, John focused right on us and began speaking to a man five rows behind us, straight in our path. Many of the things he said to him could also be validated by us, but John was sure he was with the right person, so we remained silent. He then mentioned that the person had "bad lower legs" or some trouble with his lower legs. The man he was talking to acknowledged that his father was a paratrooper and that his legs gave him a lot of pain from jumping, so we knew the messages were not for us. However, right at the end, he said that he was getting a younger male with a nickname like "chick peas, or split peas, or chicky ... something food related." The man couldn't validate that and Mike and I were both thinking 'BEANS!!! BEANS!!!" But we didn't say anything as John was staying focused on the man behind us. At that moment, the man's daughter yelled out, "He used to call me FISH face." The entire audience burst out laughing and John just smiled and kind of shook his head and then said that with that he was wrapping up the night. Mike and I both felt that Bryan was coming through right at the end to let us know he WAS there but he had let others have the stage as we didn't really need to hear from him, although we would have loved it. As he told Terri Clemens, he doesn't need a medium. Chick peas are garbanzo beans and there is no doubt in our minds it was our Bryan. However, the others who received messages were so obviously desperate to hear from their loved ones that we really felt Bryan wanted it this way. I would love to be able to contact John to ask him if he felt he was switching again at the end but needed to close the show as the time was up and he was getting tired. We may never know for sure, but we know in our hearts. It was an exhilarating experience and we came away feeling grateful to have been a part of it.

Saturday, April 24

Driving home from DC, we immediately began seeing hawks and having large blackbirds swoop across our windshield. Deciding to count, Mike counted hawks and I counted blackbirds. After driving for 4-1/2 hours, the count was EXACTLY even: 34 hawks and 34 blackbirds! Also, as we neared home, an amber aura appeared in the clouds quite a bit away from where the sun was. There was a section of gold in the clouds on both sides of the sun but not right next to it. It was a beautiful amber glow that was sort of like a single-colored rainbow. It's very hard to describe but was quite beautiful. Neither Mike nor myself had ever seen anything quite like it. I felt it was a gift from Bryan welcoming us back home.

Later today I spoke again with Darlene. She had an amazing follow-up story to her birthday story. This morning, she was driving from work to meet my mother for breakfast. As she was driving, she was thinking about Bryan when she realized that a song he had given her earlier, the one by Sting, Every Move You Make, was playing on the radio. She couldn't believe her ears and thanked Bryan for the song. She also thought to herself that he usually validates a sign with her by immediately giving her another and she wondered what song would come on next. When Fallen by Sarah MacLachlan began immediately after Sting, she totally lost it. That was the other song he had given her back in February! She began crying and laughing at the same time and thanking him again for sharing these wonderful signs with her. She jokingly thought to herself, "Wow, Bryan, what are you going to do next? Send a butterfly into my life?" Two hours later, when she went home, she went outside to sit with Rod. Within seconds, Rod whispered to her to "be quiet and look .... " and pointed to the ground less than a foot away from where they sat. There, on the ground, was a gorgeous HUGE butterfly! She said it was almost 4" from wing to wing and the most beautiful colors she had ever seen. It just sat there slowly moving its wings up and down. Mesmerized, she said she felt as if she could have reached out and touched it and it wouldn't have moved. They watched it for over five minutes and then it gently lifted off and fluttered away. No words can describe the sense of awe she felt .... she knew Bryan had sent her the final confirmation that she had jokingly teased him about in the car! I know he wanted to just make her birthday memories extra special this year.

Sunday, April 25

Sherry had a hawk appear in her backyard today for about an hour and all day she kept hearing the song "I've Got a Brand New Pair of Roller Skates" going through her head. She felt it was from Bryan as she also saw him dancing, celebrating his new freedom.

Thursday, April 29

Tonight Amberly bought a new car! She drove it home and parked it in the driveway right under the lamp post so that we could come out and see it. While we were looking at it, the lamp post began to flicker several times. She started laughing and was so pleased to know that Bryan was with us and checking out the new car ;-)

Friday, April 30

This morning Bryan woke me with the song "When I Need You" by Leo Sayer. It is such a beautiful song and one I haven't thought of or heard in quite a while. I also got a call later today from Kat Tucci. I told her about the incident at John Edward's seminar last week and how we felt Bryan was coming through at the end with a hello (the comment about the chick peas nickname). She agreed totally and said that is exactly the kind of thing that can happen and that he was probably stepping back to allow those who needed to be read to go ahead of him but he was able to jump in right before the end and let us know he was there. That is exactly the feeling we had when it occurred! Bryan would definitely be one to allow others to go ahead of him, especially since we get so many messages from him all the time. He knows we don't need to be read even though it would have been nice.

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Note:  If you have a story or experience with Bryan, please email it to me and I will add it to his journal.  These incidents have given our family great peace and joy in knowing that Bryan is still with us, if only in spirit, and will live forever in our hearts.

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