Bryan’s Journal of Miracles As told by his mom … March 17, 1980 - January 9, 2004

Friday, April 1

Tonight as I was driving home from work with Amberly, I was really missing Bryan and began to cry. My mood didn't get any better as we drove home ... I don't get this way very often but occasionally, it will hit me that I'll never see him in the physical form and it's really hard to handle. It was pouring down rain so that added to my sense of depression. When we were almost home ... just approaching the church where he is ... a hawk swooped out of a tree beside the road and right down across my windshield before going back up. I yelled to Amberly, "Did you SEE that hawk?" She said she did ... how could you miss it? Well, that lightened my mood! I don't think hawks make a habit of going out in a rainstorm nor dive bombing cars on a busy highway. Bryan definitely gave me a sign when I needed it most!

Later tonight I went up to my computer room and turned on the computer. As I did, the light in the hallway outside the room flickered. I turned to look at it and it went out completely! That light has never gone out before except when it burns out. I went out and reached up to touch it and it immediately came back on. It's stayed on ever since! I think Bryan was letting me know he was around me still and that I shouldn't feel like he's not here when he is with me always. It really made me feel better.

This brought to mind something that was happening last week in our kitchen. One of our flood lights would be off every time I would go in there. I told Mike to change it but when he reached up to remove the bulb, it came back on. Every day for a week that light would be off when I would go in the kitchen but if I would reach up and tap it, it would come back on and stay on until the next day. Then it suddenly stopped going off and has stayed on ever since. I totally forgot about it until I was typing this incident. I thought at the time that it was Bryan just having fun with us but forgot to put it on here ...

Monday, April 4

Tonight I was watching the late news all about the pope's funeral in Rome and thinking about that when I noticed the lamp post went out. So I asked Bryan if he met the pope in heaven and the lamp post literally JUMPED back on REALLY bright! Like he was saying a big YES! A few seconds later, I thouht to look at the clock thinking that the numbers in the time might be significant but it was only 11:05, so that didn't mean anything to me, but the thought had gone through my head that the time that maybe it would be 09 or 17. A bit later the light blinked out again and I immediately looked at the clock ... it was 11:17! Like he knew that I had thought about the 17. The light went off and on three times during the 17th minute. I started laughing and Sandy looked at me kind of funny. I told her Bryan was there and asked her if she saw Bryan. Amazingly, she jumped down off the chair where she was laying and ran over to the window looking out to the lamp post and started barking! I then told Bryan that Amberly and I were going to see Carole Obley this Saturday and he'd better be there. Then I said to him, "Oh my God! That's the 9th!" and the light blinked off and on again real quick like he was acknowledging what I was saying. It was really an amazing experience ... I truly felt we were communicating through that light!

Tuesday, April 5

This morning I was in Bryan's room and really missing him. I did something that I almost never do ... I went to his closet and buried my face in his shirts, trying to get a whiff of his scent. I've done this a few times over the past year and could only smell fresh laundry smell. Today I could detect a scent that was distinctly Bryan ... his own special scent mixed with his favorite cologne. When I turned to leave the closet, I felt his presence there in the room with me. A tingling feeling began at the top of my head and slowly worked its way downward like a veil covering me. I had goosebumps on my arms and my hair was standing on end. It was a warm feeling and about the closest thing to a spirit hug that I've ever felt. After a few seconds, the tingling passed and I thanked him for being there for me. It gave me a warm feeling that stayed with me for quite a while.

Saturday, April 9

Today marks 15 months since we lost Bryan. Ironically, Ambelry and I were scheduled to go to a seminar this afternoon given by Carole Obley (psychic medium) and Mark Wolynn (a regression therapist). We were pretty excited about it and on the way there we saw numerous hawks. The first one I saw I pointed out to Amberly and she didn't see it. Minutes later, a hawk literally dive-bombed out of the trees and headed right toward our windshield, veering up and away at the last minute. Amber just laughed and said out loud, "I got THAT one Beans!" She figured Bryan was ticked because she'd missed the first one. We went on to see several more -- as many as 5 at one time -- over our car as we drove to the place. When we arrived, as we waited outside, a little white butterfly showed up and fluttered all around us for several minutes. We felt that was a sign from him as well. Plus there were a couple of Impala cars that ended up right in front of us on the way. Just so many signs!

The afternoon was very informative and insightful as we explored past generations and their impact on our lives today. At the end of the session, Carole said that Bryan was there between Amberly and I all afternoon. I thought that was pretty neat. I literally felt him there with us. One of the lady's there had lost a sister last year and we spoke for a while about Bryan and the signs we've both gotten. I had forgotten to ask her sister's name. As we were leaving, I was in the restroom and talking to Bryan in my mind. I asked him if he had met Sara's sister in heaven that afternoon while we were all together here on the earthly plane. I specifically asked him her name and I "heard" him say clearly in my head "Jenny." A few minutes later as I was standing outside, Sara came out to leave. On impulse, I went over and asked her what her sister's name had been. I could have fallen over when she said Jenny! I so wish that I had told her first what I had heard from Bryan. But he definitely told me the name Jenny ... not Jennifer or Jenn ... just Jenny. And that is exactly what Sara said. I couldn't have asked for a better validation that he was with us today!

Friday, April 15

Tonight when Amberly came home (late), she noticed that the lamp post blinked on and off to her arrival as it usually does. She has been really missing him lately and paused for a moment to tell him how sad she is and how much she wishes she could talk with him again like they used to do. In response to her saying "I love you" he blinked it three times in response as if to say "I love you too." She was amazed as the light blinked off and on in response to her thoughts and then she distinctly "heard" the word "write" in her mind. When she came inside to tell me about it, she said she felt strongly that he wants to communicate with her through writing. Automatic writing is a way that spirit can communicate with us and I have felt before that Bryan wants to use this method to communicate with her. She is apprehensive about trying it as she is afraid of being disappointed if it doesn't work but I think she's going to give it a try sometime soon.

Saturday, April 16

When I awoke this morning, I had the urge to look at the clock. When I did, the digital clock was on 9:17 ... the dates that Bryan left us and the date of his birth. I just smiled and told him good morning ;-)

This morning Mike came back from his walk and told me that the lamp post blinked off as he was coming in the driveway. Mike is not as adept at reading Bryan's signs but he remembered Amberly's experience last night and felt that this was definitely Bryan as it is difficult to even see the lamp post during daylight hours. As he was thinking to Bryan to turn the light back on if it was him, the light DID come back on. Then it responded to his thoughts again by going off and on a few more times. When he came inside and told me about it, I noticed that the light in the kitchen above us was out. I pointed to it and we both laughed ... Bryan was validating Mike's story. He reached up and barely touched the light and it came back on again.

As Amberly and I were driving to work, we were talking about Bryan and both acknowledging how much we were missing him lately. We feel that he wants to communicate with us and is trying to do so in his own way. As we spoke about him, we saw a hawk fly out from the trees and circle beside the roadway. Then the car right in front of us had a license plate ending in 917 ... again the dates of his birth and death. And a few minutes later another car appeared in front of us with the number 7002 ... Amberly's birthday! I felt strongly that he was trying to communicate with her today in response to her feelings of missing him so much recently.

Sunday, April 17

As time has gone on, we have become accustomed to the ways that Bryan "talks" to us. Sometimes it's just something quite small and passes quickly, sometimes it's something larger than life that takes our breath away. But we've come to realize that every occurrence is important and is, in effect, just a new way of communicating with him. No matter how large or small, each one is a proof of his still being a part of our everyday lives. And he is still very much a part of them! We cherish every communication ... no matter how small it may seem.

This morning I noticed something in his room had changed. On his birthday, someone had left a pack of cigarettes, matches, and Listerine tabs on his grave marker. We brought them home and I've had them on his bed with other mementos he's received. I had the matches and Listerine on the cigarette pack all neat and tidy. I always check his room every day to see if anything has moved because I believe he comes there often to "check up" on things. This morning the matches and Listerine packet were beside the cigarettes and the match cover was opened. I know he was there! Smiling, I closed the matches and put both items back on the cigarettes. So whoever left those for him, rest assured he has acknowledged -- and probably enjoyed! -- you gift ;-)

My niece, Megan, received her own little hello from Bryan today. She called to tell me that she had purchased a jelly lizard (I guess that's some kind of candy?) out of one of those vending machines. But instead of a jelly lizard, which was all that the machine was supposed to have, out popped a blue butterfly! She immediately thought of Bryan and called to tell me. It makes me so happy that the kids are aware enough to recognize the signs he sends to them.

Saturday, April 23

Tonight Amberly had a very strong visit with Bryan. Here it is in her words:

"As I was going through the McDonald's drive thru I noticed a lamppost in the parking lot flickering. Not thinking too much of it I continued to wait ... Well, l it was taking FOREVER to make my McFlurry and I continued to take notice of this lamppost blinking, staying out and then coming on. At this point it became very obvious it was Bryan. This is how he has communicated with me since the day he passed, just usually it is our lamppost at home. So after I got my things I pulled into the parking space under the lamppost and began speaking to Bryan. I told him how much I miss him and how when he died I did not believe it. Every night I would go to sleep (not very easily) and when I woke up I would have to re-live his death, as if through the night all of it was just a bad nightmare and not reality. Then when I would wake up and really come to realize again that it was not a nightmare but reality and go through all the pain again ... this went on for at least a week. And now over a year later it still doesn’t seem totally real ... like he is really gone … never coming back. Then I went on to tell him that I know he is still here just not physically and that although I sometimes wish to GOD that he was still here, I wouldn’t want him here that way and that I understand his decision to move on from this earthly plane. I said to him that he better NOT reincarnate until I get there or I would be SO upset I would come right back here and haunt him throughout our next lifetime. The light continued to flicker throughout my conversation and when I said this and continued when I went on to say that I love him so much and I hope that he knew that while he was here. I tried to tell him and show him constantly the last 4-5 years of his life and I said I knew he loved me too but not until after his death did I REALLY know how MUCH he loved me. His friends told me how much he admired and adored me and was SO excited about my return home from Delaware *(we lived together there for 1 year)*. I said that I wished I knew then how much he really loved me and that I am happy to know now and that I hope he knows how deeply I love and miss him and look forward to the day we reunite. At this moment the lamppost got very bright, like a super glow, brighter than it had been before and brighter than it would be when I left. My eyes filled with tears and I knew he was with me and knew everything I was saying. Then he made me feel the urge to turn on the radio at that moment. I turned it on and the very next song came on … “By The Way” by Red Hot Chili Peppers, and the first verse started out

Standing in line to
See the show tonight
And there's a light on
Heavy glow
By the way I tried to say
I'd be there waiting for (you)

I was blown away! Not only did he immediately acknowledge the “Heavy Glow”, but also that he will be waiting for me. I felt so GREAT to get such a quick validation and I know he loves me and knows how much I love him.

Iimmediately after that was “Under The Bridge”, also by Red Hot Chili Peppers. How weird is it that both songs were one after another by the same artist and it was not a Red Hot Chili Pepper hour or night or anything special because the next song was not by that band and the DJ didn’t say anything before the first song or after the songs … he didn’t say the names of the songs or the band. I rushed home as quickly as possible to look them up on the internet which is how I found the names and the lyrics of the songs. (Mom is adding them to the site soon so check Bryan's Songs to see the lyrics and hear the songs ... BOTH had portions that were pertinent to what we were "talking" about and feeling tonight.)"

Follow-up by Mom: Amberly had sent this to me in my email so I could just copy/paste the story. When I went to the email account, the email immediately beneath hers was titled "Your Special Angel is Waiting." Another validation that he heard her message and is letting her know he will wait for her.

I don't know if this is related to Bryan or not, but we always think anything heaven-related is tied to him somehow, but yesterday when Amberly and I were driving to work, a red van was in front of us and the license plate was "LUVUJO". I pointed it out to her and thought it was a pretty cool plate. What makes the story bizarre is that TODAY the SAME van ended up in front of us AGAIN. There it was -- "LUVUJO". This time I totally took it as a sign ... not so much from Bryan but from my Grandma Jo. I know Bryan is with her in heaven and I think he was helping her to send us a message that she loves us. Now you could write this off to coincidence or that maybe the person was going to work the same time we were except that yesterday was a weekday and today is a weekend. And the van was in front of us all the way to the block my store is in ... it turned at the corner right before we did!

Tuesday, April 26

This morning I woke early and was lying in bed thinking about Bryan and the many signs he has been giving us these past couple of days. During Medium (the TV show) last night, he again turned off the lamp post and turned it back on when I pointed it out to Amberly and Mike. I probably laid there for about half an hour or so when suddenly I felt compelled to look at the time. It was 7:13 ... his birthday backwards (317). I immediately recognized the significance of the numbers and said good morning to him ;-)

Today I received the following email from Sherry. She had finally found the house of her dreams and we both felt Bryan had been a part of the process as we had so many signs from him each week as we went house-hunting. Here is her email about her experience with Bryan at the end of the search:

Hey,

Bryan was with me the other day.  We went to the house I found to make an offer.  The house is right at the end of the street where we saw the hawk sitting on the tower.  The hawk could see the house from his perch.  We saw hawks almost everytime we went househunting, but they were always flying, circling.  It's the first time we saw one perched.  Like it was telling me that's where I will land.  Two weeks later, this perfect home goes on the market and it's right where we saw the sitting hawk!

When we went to make our offer, I was wearing my pendant with Bryan's ashes.  (I misspelled Bryan as Brian on the first line of this letter and I'm sitting here typing this when I hear his voice in my head say "Who's that?"  My eyes instantly were drawn to the misspelled word.  He's watching me type this!) 

Ok, so after we made our offer and signed the paperwork, we had to go to Kinko's to make a copy of the check.  While I'm in Kinko's I walked over to the cards.  As soon as I got there my eyes focused on the first card I looked at.   The words jumped out at me, "I am with you still..."  I wasn't thinking of Bryan before that moment  -- had other thoughts on my mind -- but as soon as I saw those words, I knew before reading the verse that the message on that card was a message from Bryan.  I walked over and picked it up and read it.  A warm tingling came over me as I read the words from your son and my precious nephew:

I give you this one thought to keep  ---
I am with you still ---I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone ---
I am with you still --- in each new dawn.

He's amazing !

Love ya,
Sherry

Tonight we had a reading with Carole Obley. Bryan came through strongly and with many validations ... he had both Tupper and Oreo with him (our Sheltie pooch and Himalayan cat who have passed). I will be typing the transcript and will get it online asap.

Saturday, April 30

This morning as I was in the bath, Bryan came into my thoughts with a chipper little song. I could only get one verse, "Believe it or not, I'm walking on air, I never thought I could feel so freeeeeee ... Flying away on a wing and a prayer, believe it or not, it's just me." It put a smile on my face and I could tell he wanted me to hear the rest of it but I didn't know it. So I went online afterward and downloaded the lyrics. Both the song and the lyrics are on Bryan's Songs page now, but here are the main verses ... they couldn't be more appropriate!

Look at what's happened to me,
I can't believe it myself.
Suddenly I'm up on top of the world,
It should've been somebody else.

It's like a light of a new day,
It came from out of the blue.
Breaking me out of the spell I was in,
Making all of my wishes come true.

(chorus) Believe it or not,
I'm walking on air.
I never thought I could feel so free..
Flying away on a wing and a prayer.
Who could it be?
Believe it or not it's just me.

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Note:  If you have a story or experience with Bryan, please email it to me and I will add it to his journal.  These incidents have given our family great peace and joy in knowing that Bryan is still with us, if only in spirit, and will live forever in our hearts.

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