Bryan’s Journal of Miracles As told by his mom … March 17, 1980 - January 9, 2004

Sunday, July 3

Today Cris was coming to work with me and he was telling me about a poker game he went to last night. He had worn one of Bryan's shirts for good luck. He was describing the last hand of the night where he had a pair of nines. He then won when another nine came up on the "river" (I don't understand poker but I know this was good!). So he won a big pot at the end of the night. I asked him if he realized the significance of the number 9 and he said he hadn't thought about it. Since Bryan passed on the 9th, I always feel this number has significance when it turns up. Just as we were discussing this, an Impala pulled in front of us with the license plate ending in 0901 ... the reverse of his date of passing -- 1/09!! I explained to Cris how Bryan always validates things like this ... the synchronicity of that particular car with that particular license plate at the exact moment when we were talking about the significance of the 9's at poker was Bryan's way of saying we got it right.

Monday, July 4

Today we all went to my Dad's for a 4th of July pool party. The day was just perfect and everyone had a great time. At one point in the middle of the afternoon, a white butterfly fluttered over to Amberly who was sitting about 10 feet away from me at a picnic table. It then flew directly to me and circled around me for a few seconds. Then if flew DIRECTLY to Mike who was floating on a raft in the pool about 20 feet from me! I don't know where Cris was at the time and it's possible that the butterfly paid him a visit before it came to us, but it definitely flew straight to each of us in order and then disappeared over the fence. Pretty cool! I just smiled ;-) knowing Bryan was with us.

Tonight when I got home, an email was in my inbox with the sender 'POOL PARTY' ... guess Bryan was just letting me know he was there with us.

Tuesday, July 5

Today Mike and Cris went golfing together and had an absolutely awesome experience. Cris explained it to us later. He said they heard a bird carrying on loudly nearby and when he turned, it was a beautiful hawk perched in a tree right next to them. He pointed it out to the others and they all saw it. Cris said the hawk was staring right at him. It stayed there while they all took their turns and then, when they got in the golf cart to move on, the hawk took off from the tree and FLEW RIGHT BESIDE THEM PACE FOR PACE ALL THE WAY TO THE NEXT HOLE! Then it landed in a tree next to where they were and AGAIN watched them all hit the ball. Cris was not only amazed by the fact that it created all the ruckus to get their attention, then never made another sound but stayed right with them for two holes. What's funny is that last night, Cris was telling someone at the party when he was asked about getting signs from Bryan that Amber and I notice things more than he does. I think Bryan wanted it to be very obvious today so that there was no mistaking it was him!

Saturday, July 9

This evening before sundown, I was sitting on our front porch and, being the 9th, thoughts of that day in January last year were going through my head. I was reliving those horrible hours from when we found him and just all the horrors of that day. Needless to say, I was very sad and tears began to fall down my cheeks. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the lamp post go out. I just looked at it and asked Bryan if he was there. The light came back on. I then began to talk to him out loud, telling him how much I miss him and how much I wish he could be here with us this summer. Each time I would say something, the light would either go out or come back on. This went on for several minutes, until I began to feel better and just KNEW that he was there. I know he hates it when we feel bad and he does not like us dwelling on that day. He's never let me feel badly without coming to me with a very strong sign to let me know that he's ok and to shake me out of my lethargy. I am just so grateful for this and thank God that he allows him to come to us so often. I don't know how we would manage otherwise.

Mike came out on the porch shortly after the above incident occurred and he told me that he and Cris had been golfing today and that, several times, he felt Bryan had helped out with the ball. He specifically told of one time when the ball was just rolling around the hole and suddenly dropped in as if a hand had given it a little push. He said they both thought Bryan was there with them. They saw hawks again but nothing like the other day when one literally followed them on the links.

Sunday, July 10

This morning, when Mike went outside, he was amazed to see a bluejay feather in the grass ... not lying in the grass as if it had fluttered down but STANDING UP in the grass like an arrow! He left it there so that I could photograph it ... I will add it here as soon as I can ;-) ... the blue reminded us of Bryan's blue eyes.

Tuesday, July 12

Today the house was virtually empty ... Mike and Cris went golfing. I got up early and began working in the computer room ... had lots of work to do today, so I needed an early start. Now, to get to our computer room, I have to go down the upstairs hallway from one end to the other to get to it. We have a dark burgundy carpet runner in the hall. The carpet had just been vacuumed last night and I am forever looking to pick up any lint or furballs that land there, so I'm always looking at it as I go down that hall. This afternoon, after I had made this trip about 3 dozen times since this morning, a dime was lying right in the center of the carpet! No one else was here ... just me and the animals ... and I don't think THEY left it there! I just stood there staring at it KNOWING that it had NOT been there any of the numerous times I'd walked there today. It just made me smile and acknowledge Bryan's little gift.

Thursday, July 14

Amberly came to work with me today and as we were leaving to come home, I happened to look at the license plate of the car directly in front of us. The numbers were "1709" -- Bryan's dates of birth and death in exact order. We both felt his presence with us. Less than a mile later, as I was passing a dark SUV, Amberly excitedly pointed out two blue magnetic butterflies on the back fender panel! Now THAT was weird! Who puts blue butterflies on their car??? I wonder if the driver had any idea how much those would mean to someone like us ;-)

Tuesday, July 18

This evening Mike and I were watching a recorded Medium on TV when the lamp post went out. I mentioned to Mike that Bryan was with us. Several minutes went by and the light didn't come back on. I began conversing with Bryan in my mind and asked him if he was really there or if the light had burned out. Nothing happened so I thought to him, "Bryan, if you're really here, turn that light on NOW!" The light came on immediately and then jumped to an even brighter glow as if someone had turned up the power. I just had to laugh ... it was almost like he was responding to my NOW! with an emphasized brightness ... it was just so like his personality that it really made me happy.

Mike has been finding a lot of coins lately and always feels they are from Bryan. This afternoon, he was driving home from golf and called me on his cell phone. He said that the second I answered the phone, a hawk appeared right over the highway he was on.

Mike and I have been kicking around the idea of getting an inground pool in our backyard. We had a sales rep here this evening to look over the yard and talk to us about our options. As we were talking in our backyard, I happened to look down and there at my feet was a red cardinal's feather. This might not mean much but last week, when another contractor was here in our backyard talking to us about putting in a retaining wall for the pool, the exact same thing happened in the EXACT SAME SPOT! I had picked up that feather and put it in Bryan's room. So when I found this one today, I felt it was Bryan's way of letting us know he is excited about the idea.

Wednesday, July 19

This morning I had four emails where the sender was "Get the Ultimate Backyard" and the subject was "Win Your Dream Backyard". How wild that I would get multiples of this right when we are in the process of creating our dream backyard ... in fact, the sales rep last night kept referring to our project as our "dream pool." Again, these timely emails are so significant to me ... I just really feel that Bryan is reaching out to us to let us know he is very aware of what we are planning and I truly think he is supportive. I do so wish he could be here to participate in the planning of it as I know he would be really excited about it. This evening, after we came home from a trip to the pool store to go over the details of what we discussed last night, I went out in the front yard and, when I looked down at my feet, there was a beautiful blue bluejay feather!

Mike told me that when he was outside watering the plants tonight, a beautiful Monarch butterfly came up and fluttered around him. At that same moment, the lamp post flickered on and off at him.

Thursday, July 21

This morning I took my coffee and went out on the porch to enjoy the early morning sights and sounds ... it was just a bit after 7:30 a.m. Everything was so quiet and still and the rain was gently falling. As I sat there, I was thinking about Bryan and how much I miss him and how much he would have enjoyed being here with us this summer with Amberly and Cris both home and all our plans for the pool. I was feeling pretty sad when all of a sudden, the lamp post blinked off. I immediately acknowledged Bryan's presence and began conversing with him. I told him how much I miss him and love him and how I wish he was still here. The light went out. I asked him if he was happy and not suffering any more from the addiction he had when here. The light came back on. This means of communicating went on for about 5 minutes with the light going off and on in response to my comments. Sometimes the light would go almost out, as if it were a candle instead of a light bulb and was getting dimmer. Sometimes when it would come back on it would come on in stages like a 3-way bulb (even though it isn't one). And always the emotion of the question/answer matched the bulb's expression. Once again I thanked him for doing this for us ... these signs are an amazing way of letting us know he's ok and that he's still very much around us. His presence could be felt so strongly even if I couldn't see him. I felt sad when I went out there but he didn't allow that feeling to last long. Also, there was a tiny green butterfly in our entryway today! I will be adding his picture to my online butterfly album.

Saturday, July 23

I've been reading a book lately by Gary Schwartz, PHD, regarding the experiments that were done at the University of Arizona on afterlife experiences. They did a comprehensive research study on several noted psychic mediums under controlled circumstances to try to test the validity of communications from the other side. I have just begun the book but reading about how psychics can "talk" to deceased people had me thinking and wishing I could talk to Bryan like that. As I drove to work, I was concentrating really hard and trying to pick up something from him, anything, any kind of vibe or whatever. I didn't get anything specific but I did ask him to give me a sign if he was hearing my thoughts. Since I was driving, I was expecting maybe to see a hawk or hear something in the car. Nothing. Then suddenly I heard "LOOK UP!" and immediately looked straight up and there was a hawk flying right over my skylight in my car! Had I not looked up at that exact moment, I never would have seen it. I got chills and felt totally amazed that he had actually heard me and somehow made me hear him at the exact second! So I guess it does work! I just need to refine my skills ;-)

The little green butterfly is still on our porch. He was there yesterday all day. When I went out this morning, he was gone but later this afternoon, he was back again ;-)

Sunday, July 24

Today is Cristopher's 24th birthday. We took him out to dinner tonight to celebrate. As we neared the restaurant, I noticed a fat hawk perched atop a high telephone pole and he was facing the restaurant. I felt it was a sign from Bryan letting us know he was with us for Cris' celebration dinner.

Mike has been finding coins and feathers almost every day. I almost never find either, so I think this is pretty significant that Bryan does this for him. This morning there was another bluejay feather lying in our driveway when Mike went out to get the morning paper. I love these because the blue reminds me of Bryan's eyes ....

Tuesday, July 26

This evening, when I took the dogs out to do their business before going to bed, the lamp post had blinked off and our yard was totally dark. I couldn't see where the dogs were and since Stella, Cris' new puppy, could have wandered into the street, I panicked and told Bryan to PLEASE turn the light on so I could see the dogs. The light immediately came back on and the dogs were all there right beneath it!

Thursday, July 28

Tonight Amberly and I were out at the pool and she was trying to vacuum the bottom. As it got darker out, I turned on the porch light in the back yard. The bulb flickered a few times and I mentioned that I thought Bryan was with us. It stayed on steady after that but I think he wanted us to know he was there.

A bit later, Cris was upstairs and was walking down the hall with a deck of cards in his hand. One of the cards flew off the top of the deck and landed on the floor. When he picked it up, it was the King of Hearts! Just a little "hello" from Beans to his brother.

Sunday, July 31

One of the nicest things about where Bryan is buried is that it is so close to our house. Mike walks on a local trail in our neighborhood that goes right past the church, so it is easy for him to stop there and visit Bryan. Every Sunday, we make a point to go down to his gravesite and take fresh flowers that I cut from our yard. Mike usually stops by in the morning or afternoon to bring back last week's flowers so I can empty them and put fresh ones in the vase. Then we take them down together when I get home from work. Anyway, today when he went to get the vase, as he was walking back to the car, a big swallowtail butterfly literally flew up to his face and hovered just inches away from his eyes as if it were looking right at him. He said it stayed there about five seconds before it turned and fluttered off. He was so taken by this that he called me from his cell phone to share it with me. He felt sure it was Bryan as he has never had a butterfly do that ever before. I can just imagine how he felt!

A bit later as I was driving home from work, I was thinking about Bryan as I often do when I'm alone in the car and my mind began to drift back to happier times and I was really missing him. Just then a hawk came flapping up out of the trees beside the road and rose up over the car! I couldn't help but smile and realize that he didn't want me to feel sad. Just three seconds later, I pulled up to a stop sign and a butterfly came fluttering slowly across my windshield. I remembered Mike's incident earlier today and felt that Bryan is really with us today. I'm so grateful for the signs he sends ... but he wasn't done yet ....

At home, Mike, Amberly, Cris and I were all out on our deck in the back yard when I heard a hawk's very distinct screech ... and it sounded REALLY close by! I looked up and to my surprise, the hawk was literally about 20 feet over our house just crossing directly overhead. Now, we have seen hawks over our house before but they are always very high up in the sky, never down low like this. And the call he made was right to us. Cris made the comment that that was exactly what the hawk did at the golf course that day when it followed he and Mike from green to green. This one was so close I could see the spots on his belly. He just made that one cry out so we wouldn't miss him and then he was gone ... wow!

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2006

Note:  If you have a story or experience with Bryan, please email it to me and I will add it to his journal.  These incidents have given our family great peace and joy in knowing that Bryan is still with us, if only in spirit, and will live forever in our hearts.

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