Bryan’s Journal of Miracles As told by his mom … March 17, 1980 - January 9, 2004

Monday, August 1

This evening Amberly and I were in the drug store and they had these little elastic bracelets on the checkout counter that were all different colors and each one had a word on it like spirituality, intelligence, love, romance, inspiration, etc. I picked a purple spirituality bracelet to buy and Amberly focused in on a green one thinking immediately of Bryan. We both nearly died when the word on it was PEACE! Anyone who knew Bryan knows that he always ended any phone call with "PEACE!" instead of bye or whenever he was leaving, he would boom out that word and give you the peace sign. Needless to say, we bought it ;-)

Wednesday, August 3

This afternoon Amberly was leaving the house and as she walked to her car, she found a bluejay's feather right in her path. She picked it up and brought it to me to add to our collection. She then told me later that as she pulled out of the driveway, the car right in front of her had 317 in the license plate.

When I went out to the pool this afternoon, as soon as I walked out in the backyard, I heard the loud screech of a hawk. Looking up, I was amazed to see a large hawk just hovering right above our yard, centered in the sky directly over me. It was like he had called out to me to let me know he was there. I watched him for several seconds but the sun was beginning to hurt my eyes so I walked a few feet away to be able to watch him from the shade but when I looked back up, he had disappeared. This was really weird because he wasn't moving, he was just hovering, and I could see enough of the sky to see if he had flown off. I only took my eyes off him for literally 2 seconds and he was gone without a trace. Pretty crazy!

Thursday, August 4

This afternoon Amberly went out to the pool and heard several hawks nearby ... then she noticed that a baby hawk and the parent were in one of the tall pine trees right in our yard! Shortly after hearing the hawks, a beautiful black and blue butterfly came fluttering by her. She had forgotten to tell me about this until I told her whaat happened to me below ...

Friday, August 5

Today when I went out into the backyard to work on taking down the pool we had bought (we are now getting an inground pool and needed to remove the aboveground one we bought this summer) ... as I stepped into the pool, I heard a loud hawk screech that sounded amazingly close by. I have never seen on in our yard, only in the sky above our house and usually pretty high up. This sounded so close that I looked up and saw the hawk right in the top of one of our pine trees! Our pines are about 60' tall so he was still pretty high up but clearly called out to me when I came out. When I looked at him, he swooped down from the tree and flew off over our neighbor's house. This is the first time I have ever seen one actually in our yard and when I told Amberly about it, she then relayed the story above that happened to her yesterday. My interpretation of this is that Bryan is letting us know he is very aware of our plans for the new pool and is very excited about it. It's exactly the kind of thing he would have LOVED if he were still here ... which I believe he is in his own way.

Tonight after dark the most amazing thing happened! Mike and I were out in our hot tub and had the porch lights on by our sliding glass door on the deck so that we could see. A strange looking critter came flying out of nowhere right up to our faces and then went flapping off over toward the lights. At first we thought it was a bird, or a bat, but then we realized it was a REALLY HUGE butterfly, probably a moth butterfly. It was absolutely IMMENSE! It kept flying back and forth, back and forth, the entire time we were in the spa. When we got out, he came flying up to both of us and kept trying to get in our door. When Sandy (our dog) came out, he flew down to her and literally looked right at her before flying back up to us. He almost landed on MIke! It was hard for him to get in the door because the moth was trying to get in with him. I managed to get my cell phone camera and took several pictures of it. He finally landed on the glass at one point, then went down to the ground at another point. When I held up my hand to him, he flew into my hand and let me hold him for a few seconds. It was the biggest moth I'd ever seen with a 6" wing span! But he was so beautiful ... I was wishing there would be a way to keep him but of course I couldn't. I went inside and the butterfly flew down to the corner to rest. Moses (our cat) saw him from inside and was totally going crazy for a few minutes till he realized he couldn't get him. Anyway, I took lots of pictures and you can see them by clicking on the image below:

Click on image for lots more photos of our Nocturnal Butterfly

Now the story doesn't end here. We went to bed with him still outside ... guess he was sleeping too. Well, the next morning, he was still there. I was worried that the dogs would hurt him so I put a small table up in front of him to block them from him. Unfortunately, when I came out a few seconds later, the butterfly was on the ground and Stella was happily bouncing around him. Fearing the worst, I immediately picked him up. It appeared that all of his legs and antennae were gone and he was unable to fly. He kept flip-flopping upside down and then rightside up. I was just crushed ... I was sure Stella had killed it. I placed him in a box and carried him up to Bryan's room. At that point, he wasn't moving at all. I went about my morning routine and checked on him periodically. He hadn't moved so I figured he was nearly dead. Before leaving for work, I told Cris and Mike that I think he died ... I brought the box in and was showing him to Cris. He appeared dead and did not move. I reached in and stroked his wing gently and, all of a sudden, he began jumping around! His legs were back! Cris nearly died because he wasn't expecting it to move! It was hysterical! I took him outside on our front porch and set the box down. He was flopping all around so I wasn't sure whether or not he was able to fly or not. Then he crawled up to the edge of the box. I put my hand out and he climbed onto my hand, then up my arm and rested on my shoulder for a minute. Still concerned, I gently placed him back into the box to rest. Next thing I knew, he climbed out of the box, hopped down onto the table, and then took off flying! He flew all around our flowers and shrubs, then up over the porch roof, over the trees and into the neighbor's yard. Amberly and I continued watching as he flew all around the neighborhood. I was so relieved! I truly felt that Bryan had brought him to us for a visit ... it was an amazing experience and I'l so grateful that he was ok. He was a beautiful creature .... be sure to click on the image above to look at the morning photos I took...

Saturday, August 6

Well, the morning started off with the incident just above. Amberly and I headed in to work and talked about Bryan most of the way. When we got into the shop, the lights were still off and we (she and I, and Sandy and Nessa -- the dogs) were all in the back of the store when the front door chime went off. If you've been reading this journal, then you know that this chime is a MOTION ACTIVATED chime that is INSIDE our store's front door to alert me when someone comes in. It is 80 feet away from the back of the store where we were and NO ONE was up there ... the lights were off and the door was still locked. Bryan has often used this chime as a signal in the past and he hadn't done it for a while, so we thought it was pretty neat. Literally two seconds later, my partner called and Amberly answered the phone. He wanted her to look up a phone number for him that he needed. She did and was amused when the number he wanted ended in "317" ... she mentioned it to me right away and we both felt it was Bryan's validation of the door chime being him. We just love him!

Sunday, August 7

This evening Mike and I were getting ready to go visit Bryan's grave. I had my vase of fresh flowers that I cut from our yard in my lap ... as we were seatbelting in, the lamp post, which was right in front of where the car was parked in the driveway, blinked out. Mike called it to my attention and I said out loud, "I love you Bryan!" Immediately the light blinked back on in THREE steps ... low, medium, and then super bright ... like a 3-way bulb would do (but this is NOT a 3-way bulb or fixture!) ... almost as if he was enunciating I ... LOVE ... YOU! We both just laughed and smiled and could not believe how well he can control that light. He actually makes it expressive ... maybe we could learn Morse code and communicate that way .... ;-)

Tuesday, August 9

I had a visit from Bryan last night! Finally! It wasn't very long .. .in fact, it only lasted a few seconds. I was asleep and in my dream I was working in an old house when I heard sounds from upstairs. The house was locked and no one else was there, so I went up to investigate. No one was in the main room, so I went into the adjacent room and Bryan was there! He looked so gorgeous ... very radiant and healthy and had a big smile on his face. The first thing he said was "Hi Mom .. I'm sorry if I scared you ..." or something like that. I was so happy to see him but also a bit confused because I knew he was dead ... but he looked very much alive and happy. I began to respond and the dream abruptly ended and I woke up. The time was 3:17 a.m.! The feeling stayed with me for quite a while that he looked so peaceful and healthy and happy ... just radiant! I guess it was hard for him to make an appearance and he wasn't able to stay very long but at least I had those few seconds to treasure. It was pretty awesome!

Wednesday, August 10

Today Mike and I went over to the bank to close on our home equity loan to get our swimming pool. I was blown away when I noticed that there were pictures of butterflies all over the bank including a BIG blue butterfly framed in a print on the far wall. The loan officer's cubicle had several stick-on butterflies and the biggest one on her window was a BLUE one. But what really blew me away was the photo she handed me of a blue butterfly when we sat down ... apparently when Mike went in to apply for the loan last week, he saw one of these blue butterfly prints in a frame on the check counter. He asked our loan officer if she could get a copy of it for me because he knew how much it would mean to me. It is the EXACT SAME blue butterfly that I have picked out for the mosaic tile design in the bottom of the pool! I have felt Bryan's presence with us every step of the way with this pool ... it is the kind of project he would have been right in there helping with all the choices and designs ... he loved that kind of thing! Then, as we talked to our loan officer and told her about Bryan, it turned out that her son is also a heroin addict and had so many parallels to Bryan. So hopefully our experience can help her out with her son and maybe even help her son avoid Bryan's fate. I felt we were lead to her for a reason and the blue butterfly confirmed it. Amazing!

Monday, August 15

This evening Kelly came over for dinner with our family. I was outside with the dogs and it was still light out when she pulled into our driveway. I noticed that the lamp post went off as soon as her car pulled in. As she was getting out of the car, I started to tell her the light had gone out but before I could tell her, it blinked back on. She looked at me and said, "Yep, I noticed it go out as soon as I pulled in!" It then blinked off and on again as she walked past it. Bryan always loved his cousin Kelly and just wanted to say HI to her ;-)

Later on, after dinner, everyone (Mike, Cris, Kristen, and Kelly) was in the family room watching the Steelers pre-season game. I was upstairs as I am not a football fan but when I went down to check up on everyone, I noticed the lamp post outside was blinking off and on again. I asked them if they had noticed that Bryan was very much there in the room watching the game with them. Kristen said that she had been noticing the light go off and on a few times. Then Cris shared a moment they had on their drive back from Penn State yesterday afternoon ... a hawk was sitting in a low tree by the side of the road and stared at their car as they passed. He thought it odd that the bird was so low and that it appeared to be watching them particularly ... I have no doubt that he was!

Wednesday, August 17

Kristen had been here visiting Cris and today she had to return to State College. When we were outside seeing her off, a beautiful Swallowtail butterfly came flying up to us ... it fluttered all around the flowers on the porch and kept coming over to me. At one point, Sandy came out and the butterfly swooped down to her and fluttered around her for a minute then went back up to the flowers ... almost as if to say hello to her. When it went toward the left side of the house, Mike made a joking comment about it going around to the back to check out the pool (pool isn't there yet but we have a template laid out on the ground for it). Within seconds, the butterfly did exactly that, flying around the left side of the house and out of sight. A few minutes later, it came BACK to the front of the house but from the other side ... it had actually circled the house and had gone around back just like Mike suggested. It stayed out there long enough for me to take several pictures with my cell phone camera. We all felt it was Bryan saying goodbye to Kristen. Also ... the lamp post flickered on and off a few times as well!

Thursday, August 18

Just this morning I was having a conversation with Amberly about how much Bryan would have loved helping me plan our new backyard ... the pool, the furniture, just about everything. He always had such an avid interest in anything I was doing and I know he would have had his two cents' worth in there. And he has been getting his ideas through to us ... starting with the butterfly mosaic that we are getting in the bottom of the pool. I totally felt that he lead me to this website when I began looking for pool mosaics ... click here to see the butterfly (how ironic that it is the FIRST one on the page!). Tonight I was looking for wicker furniture to put around the pool (I know ... kind of jumping the gun here but just wanted to look to see what I might like). Anyway, I came upon a website with great prices for end-of-season wicker and began clicking on the different sets available. They had custom fabrics ... dozens of them! ... to choose from. I began looking through the pages of samples and one caught my eye ... pretty seashells in pastel colors ... just what I was looking for. So I clicked on the pattern to enlarge it and print it out, never paying attention to the name or style number. Imagine my surprise when on the enlarged printout the pattern number was B317!!! Could he be any more obvious letting me know that this is his choice?? Needless to say, I ordered it. When I mentioned this to Amberly, she immediately mentioned our conversation earlier today about how Bryan would have enjoyed all the planning and helping me. I really love it that he is helping out just like he would be doing if he were still here.

Sunday, August 21

Today after work I went to the mall to shop ... something I almost NEVER do ... and I was browsing through some clothing when a light directly overhead blinked off. I looked up to see which one went off and it blinked back on. It did this a couple of times before I moved on to another section. When I stopped to look at something else, ANOTHER overhead light blinked off and at the same moment a voice announced over the P.A. system, "KATHY, please call .... " and that really got my attention! So not only was the light overhead blinking, my name was actually announced at the same time ... well, it wasn't really ME they were paging but some employee with my name but it certainly did not go unnoticed. As I left that area, the light stopped blinking. When I went to the checkout, I asked the cashier if she ever noticed single lights going out in the store. She said that they do sometimes do that when the store is getting near closing to kind of give people the message that it was time to go. I said to her, "but they came back on!" She said that had never happened and then seemed worried that there might be a problem with the electrical system. I smiled and told her I had my own theory about it. When she asked what, I explained about Bryan and his capability with lights. She was amazed and told me she had goosebumps! I gave her one of his cards (for this website) and we talked a bit longer. As I left the store, I went down one level and was on my way out when something else caught my eye. I stopped to take a closer look and ... you guessed it ... the light DIRECTLY OVER THE DISPLAY I was standing at went out! And then it came back on. I just started laughing ... people nearby probably thought I was nuts but I just felt so happy knowing Bryan was there with me. What an amazing experience!

Friday, August 26

This evening, on two separate occasions, our phone rang and no one was there. Both times I let it ring long enough for the caller ID to register a number but it only said "Incoming Call". And both times, when I picked up the phone, all I got was a dial tone. When I scrolled back through the received calls list, neither call had registered at all. And when Amberly tried to do *69 to return the last call, it went back to a call we got hours ago. Since our lamp post isn't working -- I think Bryan finally zapped it enough times that we are going to need to get the socket replaced -- I figured this was Bryan's way of saying hello to us tonight since he can't use the light. In any case, it was weird and hasn't happened before! It's really strange that NOTHING showed up on the call logs or caller ID ... but maybe not so strange after all when you consider where the call is coming from. How could it ID "heaven"?

Tuesday, August 30

Last night I had some upsetting news from Sherry ... her little Westie, Sugar, was very ill. She had been diagnosed with cancer last week and had been getting progressively worse. Tonight was really bad and she was considering taking her to the vet to end her suffering. During the night, I awoke at around 3 a.m. and wondered if Sugar was with Bryan. Our lamp post, which is one of our ways of communicating with Bryan, has been off for about a week now. It was off before my Aunt passed away last week and then came on when she passed. So I asked Bryan to let me know if Sugar made it to him ... and specifically to turn the lamp post on for me in the morning as a sign that she was with him. At this point, I wasn't even sure Sherry had taken her in to the vet. Well, this morning the light was on bright and shiny. When I called Sherry, Mike told me that they had taken her in last night and she went peacefully. I then told him about the lamp post and how it hadn't been on for a week and now it was on again. I felt Bryan definitely answered my request and that Sugar is in heaven with him and all the other pets who have crossed over.

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Note:  If you have a story or experience with Bryan, please email it to me and I will add it to his journal.  These incidents have given our family great peace and joy in knowing that Bryan is still with us, if only in spirit, and will live forever in our hearts.

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