Bryan’s Journal of Miracles As told by his mom … March 17, 1980 - January 9, 2004

Monday, September 18

So many signs have occurred this month since we lost Sandy.  Each one in and of itself wasn't enough to write down here, but cumulatively, it's been pretty amazing.  The day after Sandy died, I received an email with the subject "If you die, love continues."  I got this email two times on the 21st (Sandy died on the 20th).  I received tons of these back when Bryan passed, but haven't received any for a long time.  So this was pretty significant.  Then the next day I received one titled "Looking for a Sign?"  And that day there were several butterflies that came up to me.  There have been numerous other butterflies, including one this morning that I noticed as I was swimming.  It flew over our house then circled back and flew right above the water with me in the pool and then landed on the heater nearby.  I went to get my cell phone which was lying poolside to take its picture and it flew away before I could shoot it.  But -- and this was what amazed me -- it was like it knew I was trying to take it's picture.  It actually came back and landed on the heater again so I was able to capture it.  Because it was about six feet away from me in the pool, the picture came out crummy but you can see it if you click here. 

Since Sandy passed, we've been really lonely.  The house is just so empty without our dog.  At first I didn't want another dog, but a friend mentioned to me that Sandy would try to come back to us in a new puppy, so I should be open minded about that.  One night I just decided to check the paper just to "see" if there were any available and there was an ad in our paper for Amber Sky Labradors.  Well, that got my attention because of the name Amber.  So I took that as my first sign.  I went to the website and was immediatley drawn to a color I had never seen before in labradors ... I've only seen yellow like Sandy, chocolates and blacks, neither of which I care for.  And I thought a yellow one would remind me too much of Sandy.  But this kennel had fox red labs.  They were beautiful!  And there was a litter born two days after Sandy died.  Mike and I talked about it and decided we would contact them about getting one of the female red lab pups.  So we put a check in the mail as a deposit on one of the puppies.   The VERY NEXT DAY I received an email with the subject "Your future, orange red".  It about blew me away!  It was as if Sandy and Bryan were letting me know that they were aware we were planning on getting this little orange/red (fox red) puppy and it would be part of our future!  And two days later, another email titled simply "orange red".  And on 9/11, I got one more email that said "Stop looking for a sign.  It's right here."  I guess that was in answer to me wondering if I would get a sign about this puppy being Sandy returning to us.  I'll have to hold off judgment on that one until we at least get to see her.  We haven't picked her out yet because she's not old enough, but we will be doing that soon and we can't wait to see her.  I'm not sure Bryan will want to part with Sandy, but he knows how much I miss her, so maybe he'll let her come back to us.  We've already named the new pup Ruby Tuesday because of her color and the fact that she was born on a Tuesday.  Kind of corny, but kind of cute.  So that's her name. 

Tuesday, September 19

Amberly had a totally bizarre experience tonight.  She and Brendan had gone to the store and she was waiting in the car for him.  They had a Tom Petty CD in the cd player and she decided she was tired of it so she popped it out and took a Linkin Park cd out of her case and put it in.  It immediately started playing the Tom Petty song that it had been playing when she ejected it.  Her first thought was that she had somehow put the same cd back in, so she flipped open the cd case and THERE WAS THE TOM PETTY CD!  Now she was totally baffled ... how could the cd player be playing a song that WASN'T IN THERE?  She got goosebumps and listened to the song.  She also made a note of the time and the number location on the cd track.  When the song finished, Brendan had just come back to the car and found Amberly all excited and pointing to the CD player.  She told him what happened and while they waited for the next song to play, the cd player locked up and "Disk Error" came on the screen.  So they popped out the CD that was in there and -- you got it -- it was Linkin Park!  When she relayed the story to me, she said she knew it was Bryan but couldn't figure out why that song (it was Cabin Down Below).  I pulled up the lyrics and immediately three lines jumped out at me:

Well, I've had my eye on you
For a long, long time
I'm watching everything you do

I told her to check and see if those were they lyrics that were playing at the time the cd stopped.  She has to check that out and let me know.  But what an amazing sign!  CD's can't play when they aren't in the unit, yet it did!  Wow!

Sunday, September 24

Today Mike and I drove to Ohio to look at a litter of puppies.  I've just been missing Sandy so much and the house seems so empty without her.  So we decided to get another lab.  We didn't want another yellow lab because I thought it would remind me too much of Sandy, so we chose a fox red color.  They are really pretty and are technically a variant of the yellow, but more the color of a golden retriever.  When we got to the place, there were four females we had to choose from.  One kind of took to me and one took to Mike.  We couldn't make up our minds but when he scanned their microchips, mine ended in 17.  I felt that was a sign from Bryan that she was the one for us.  But then when they scanned Mike's, the number ended in 44, Mike's birth year.  So we felt that might be a sign.  We went back and forth and, to make a long story short, we decided we're going to get both of them!  They were only five weeks old, so we can't get them for a couple of weeks, but I'm really excited about it.  I feel like Bryan had a hand in this and is very happy with "our" choices.

Friday, September 29

Today was Mike's birthday.  He and I went shopping this afternoon and I mentioned that I wondered if Bryan would give him any special signs today.  I had no sooner said that than a hawk flew directly across our path.  And within a mile, another one that was flying off to the side, turned toward our car and flew overhead.  So I guess he answered us right away! 

This evening, Amberly and Brendan had come for dinner.  Amber had been outside and was looking at the lamp post and asking Bryan if he could blink it for her.  She didn't get any response, but a few hours later, as they were driving home, a street light right beside their car while they were sitting at a red light, exploded in a flash of bright light that made a sound and caused the light to go out.  They thought that the transformer had blown out, but seconds later, the light came back on.  She told Brendan that Bryan couldn't blink the lamp post, but he did the street light!

Later this same night, a friend of their's had stopped over and in the course of conversation, he was talking about someone who had od'd on heroin.  He described how the person shot up and then fell face down immediately.  Amberly said out loud, "that's exactly how my brother died."  At the exact moment she made that comment, all the electricity in the house went off.  Two seconds later, it came back on.  She said she felt Bryan's presence and his confirmation of what had just been said.

Saturday, September 30

Tonight Amberly and I went to a session held by Carole Obley "Connecting with Spirit."  Carole is a very talented medium who has connected with Bryan several times in the past.  She didn't know we were coming to the session as I only decided this afternoon that we were going.  When we first got there, a man began by talking about Carole and telling us about upcoming events.  Carole was not in the room.  He then said he was going to play a song and wanted us to listen closely to the words.  Amberly and I both knew immediately what the song would be ... Josh Groban's To Where You Are.  Sure enough, as the music began, it was that song.  Tears began flowing from my eyes as that song has so much meaning for us.  If any of you recall, that is the song we played at Bryan's wake over and over again in the background.  And it was also recited at his memorial service in our church.   Anyway, when Carole came into the room after the song ended, the first thing she said was "I was standing out in the hall listening to that song and I was being told that someone in here used that song for their funeral."   As she looked around the room and no one responded, she then saw Amberly and I and we acknowledged that yes, we did use that song at Bryan's funeral.  She then said that she was also given a message that "someone here is questioning the signs they get.  Don't question it and don't doubt it.  They are real!"  I really needed to hear that because lately, I've been wondering if I'm reading too much into things that happen (like the hawks on Mike's birthday).  In my heart I know I'm not, but it's just been a long time since I've had anyone else validate it and sometimes a third party helps.  I felt like Bryan was speaking directly to me.  In fact, I had said the very same thing to Amberly on our way there.

During the course of the evening, Carole took questions from audience members.  At one point, Amberly asked her about pets crossing over.  She answered her question and then said that she sees a dog with Bryan ... a cream colored dog with bad hips.  I just started bawling ... it was Sandy!  We acknowledged that Sandy was our yellow lab who had just passed last month.  She said that Bryan was right there with us that day and that Sandy went immediately to him.  Of course, we already knew that as Amberly and I both had visions of it and there were so many other signs that day, but it was amazing hearing Carole validate it.  She then said that "another dog is coming to us."  I then told her that yes, we are going to pick up two puppies next week.  She said that Bryan was laughing because he wanted us to have two.  So I related the story of the microchips numbers and she said that was his doing.   She mentioned several other validations:  that he connects with Amber through music (the cd above on the 19th), that she (Amber) had recently moved a picture of him (she had just found a picture in Cris' old room and put it in my computer room).  She told Amberly that there was still lots of brother-sister love and that he jokes with her unmercifully.  She then lovingly reached over and punched Amberly in the arm EXACTLY like Bryan used to do to her.  That brought tears to her eyes because she felt him so strongly.  All in all, it was an amazing evening and we felt his presence very strongly.

Yesterday I finished reading one of Nora Roberts' books, Morrigan's Cross.  I love all of her books and many of them have magic and sorcery and the like.  This one had a character named Glenna who was a witch.  (Nora's books are not about the occult or anything like that ... they are more Irish folklore romance novels)  Anyway, in my email today I received two emails right in a row ... one was from sender "Discover Witchcraft" and the one right beneath it was from "Glenna".  It jumped out at me from my email program since I had just finished reading this book and Glenna was a witch!  And how often do you hear the name Glenna??  I just think it was Bryan's way of touching base with me and letting me know he sees what's going on in my life.  I thought it was pretty cool!

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Note:  If you have a story or experience with Bryan, please email it to me and I will add it to his journal.  These incidents have given our family great peace and joy in knowing that Bryan is still with us, if only in spirit, and will live forever in our hearts.

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